335. The famous Mr. Amner going through a street in Windsor, two boys looked out of a one-pair of stairs window, and cried, There goes Mr. Amner that makes so many bulls. He hearing them, looked up saying, You rascals, I know you well enough, and if I had you here, I’d kick you down stairs.
336. The same gentleman crossing the water in a ferry-boat at Datchet, the good man of the ferry being from home, his wife did his office; and not putting in the boat just at the landing place, Mr. Amner at his landing sunk into the mud over his shoes; and going a little farther he met with a friend, who asked, How he came so dirty? Egad, replied Mr. Amner, no man was ever so abused as I have been; for coming over Datchet ferry, a scurvy woman waterman put over his boat and landed me clean in the mire.
337. A poor woman in the country sent her son to a gentleman’s house, upon some errand or other. The loitering lad stayed somewhat too long, looking upon a dog in the wheel that turned the spit; so that when he came home, his mother beat him soundly: execution ended, the boy told her, If she had been there, she would have stayed as long as he; and she demanding the reason, he said, Oh, mother, it would have done you good to have seen how daintily a dog in a wheel spun roast meat.
338. In Flanders, by accident, a Flemish tiler falling from the top of a house upon a Spaniard, killed him, though he escaped himself. The next of the blood prosecuted his death with great violence against the tiler; and when he was offered pecuniary recompence, nothing would serve him but _lex talionis_. Whereupon, the judge said unto him, That if he did urge that kind of sentence, it must be, that he should go up to the top of the same house, and from thence fall down upon the tiler.
339. A lord intended to take in a great part of the common belonging to the town, and he agreed with a carpenter to have it railed in: My lord, said he, it shall be done, and I think I can save you some charges in the business; For, said he, do you but get posts, and I doubt not but all the neighbors round about will find you railing enough.
340. A brave Dutch captain being commanded by his colonel to go on a dangerous exploit against the French, with forces that were unlikely to achieve the enterprise, the captain advised his colonel to send but half so many men: Send but half so many men! why so? said the colonel. Because, replied the captain, they are enough to be knocked on the head.