"Oh, I only took seven, so it's my hole!" exclaimed the Englishman, triumphantly.
After the second hole the Englishman put the same question again. But the Scot smiled knowingly.
"Na, na, ma man," said he; "it's ma turn tae ask first!"
"Germany's attitude toward peace is ominous," said General Laurin Lawson at a luncheon in Louisville."
"Germany reminds me, in fact, of the new parlor-maid whose mistress said to her:"
"'And above all things, I expect you to be reticent.'"
"'Yes, ma'am, certainly, of course, ma'am,' said the new maid."
"Then she leaned toward her mistress with shining eyes."
"'And what's there to be reticent about, ma'am?' she asked."
"Now this is a secret and you mustn't tell anybody."
"Rest assured that I won't tell that secret to anybody, dear. I have no desire to figure as a female Rip Van Winkle. That secret is at least three weeks old."
Women talk among themselves about other people. Men talk to other people about themselves.
If you want to know a woman Who can play a game of tag With Truth until it's spent beyond repair, Who can start a thousand rumors, Set ten thousand tongues a-wag Till there's nothing left of Gospel in the air, Who can get you into trouble And your reputation smirch-- It's Mrs. Grundy On a Sunday When she's walking home from church.
"They tell me that woman is a gossip. Do you think she is reliable?"
"Well, my wife's bridge club is in session. If those ladies get hold of that idle rumor, they'll soon put it to work."
A gossip is one who can make a mountain out of a molehill and then bring it to you.
Conversation being dull at an evening party, the hostess requested one of her guests to go home, that the rest might have somebody to talk about.
They were looking down into the depths of the Grand Cañon.
"Do you know," asked the guide, "that it took millions and millions of years for this great abyss to be carved out?"
"Well, well!" ejaculated the traveler. "I never knew this was a government job."
"I presume you're mighty glad the war is over."
"Well, I don' jes' know about dat," answered Mandy. "Cose I'se glad to have my Sam back home an' all dat, but I jes' know I ain't never gwine t'get money from him so regular as I did while he wuz in de Army an' de Government wuz handlin' his financial affairs."