=Dear Skipper=—Could you tell me who is the inventor of the loose leaf system?—=L. E. Phant.=
=Dear Captain Jazzbo=—I have a sweet girlie, with teeth quite pearly. I took her in my arms one night. She scratched and giggled and tried to bite. Can you guess what’s worrying me?—=Hymanjasus.=
Your poetry is punk, old trapper, and I’ll answer you, the same—You like to love but you hate to fight with a dirty neck when you monkey-bite.
=Dear Captain Bill=—I see where you discuss at length the brevity of girls’ attire, but I never see you object in your writings. How do you stand, anyway?—=Noonan Knight.=
Well, you don’t see me wearing any smoked glasses.
=Dear Skipper Bill=—What’s your idea of a fine sight?—=Lotta Bull.=
I suppose you think I’ll say hosiery, but guess again. My idea of a fine sight is the one I have on my bear hunting rifle.
=Dear Whiz Bang Billy=—What’s the most useful food?—=Fletcher Eyes.=
Chicken. You can eat it before it is born and after it is dead.
=Dear Doctor Billy=—What are the three great plagues of the world?—=Iva Sharpe Payne.=
My expert diagnosis reveals that the three greatest are: Water on the knee, liquor on the hip and woman on the brain. Which Paynes you most?
=Dear Skipper=—Do you think it possible to get intoxicated on one-half of one percent beer?—=Ringaround A. Rosey.=
Sure, two hundred bottles of one-half of one percent equals one hundred percent drunk.
“What a brave, brave girl Mary is!” said a young man in enthusiastic tones.
“Mary brave? How so?” inquired the young man’s sister.
“Why, at the dance last night,” said the young man, “she was the only girl who kept her seat and remained perfectly cool when the mouse appeared.”
“Pshaw!” said his sister. “That wasn’t bravery. Mary told me afterwards that she had her old garters on.”
“Yes, provided you promise not to publish it.”
After a little struggle in the moisture, Bill found himself safely within the confines of an empty lifeboat.
Realizing that he was safe himself he began to look around to see who needed assistance.
Observing several men endeavoring to keep afloat nearby, he reached over the side and grabbed two of them by the hair and dragged them into the boat.
Suddenly a bald-headed man appeared alongside the boat. Peering over the side, Bill slapped him on the head and cried angrily: “Gwan down and come up right.”