=Dear Captain Billy=—Who was the world’s greatest female juggler?—=Soubrette Sue.=
=Dear Captain Billy=—What is the meaning of the word “flapper?”—=June Peas.=
Flapper is usually applied to a girl who flaps.
=Captain Bill=—I am a wrestler and a very light sleeper, my wife snores likell. What would you recommend to stop her sonorous snores?—=Ima Snoozer.=
=Dear Skipper Bill=—What is meant by the expression “A silent partner?”—=Gangrene Gertie.=
=Dear Captain Bill=—What makes the human race?—=Hammond Eggs.=
=Dear Skipper Bill=—What’s the difference between a cow and a baby?—=Dunn O. Nuttin.=
Well, a cow drinks water to make milk, while a baby just drinks milk.
=Dear Captain Billy=—How can I keep my husband home at night?—=Worried Newlywed.=
Take five pounds of fusel oil, two pounds of prunes and one pound of raisins, put it in a five gallon crock. Then for nine dreary evenings, sit beside the crock and gently lift up the cheesecloth cover and hold communion therewith. It will sing a song to you in peculiar fashion, reminding you of the olden days when you put the parlor sea shell to your ear to hear the wild waves roar. You’ll hear Eva Tanguay singing “I Don’t Care.” When the tenth day has come to pass, strain the contents of the crock into bottles and then you can telephone your husband’s drug store and tell him to come home. You should have no further trouble in retaining his company.
=Dear Captain=—What’s the difference between a sea gull and a baby?—=Flipflop Flapper.=
A sea gull flips along the shore, while a baby slips along the floor.
=Dear Skipper Bill=—Don’t you think that giving up drinking will assure a longer life?—=Repentant Soak.=
Perhaps you’re right. I once gave it up for 24 hours and it was the longest day I ever lived.
=Dear Farmer Billy=—As an honest tiller of the soil, perhaps you can tell me the difference between an apple and a girl?—=Ann Arbor.=
Sure, you have to squeeze an apple before you can get cider. But with a girl, you have to get “side” ’er before you can squeeze her.
=Dear Captain Bill=—I live in Milwaukee and a neighbor of mine is always making home beer. Who should I report it to?—=Adam Sapple.=
=Dear Sir and Captain=—My husband, whenever he comes home intoxicated from moonshine liquor, kicks me in the stomach. What would you advise me to do?—=Abused Wife.=