He wuz very hefty, a good-lookin’ smilin’ man, a politer demeanored gentlemanly appearner man I don’t want to see. But his linement which had looked so pleasant and cheerful growed gloomy and deprested as I spread them errents before him and sez in conclusion:
“Serepta Pester sent these errents to you, she wanted intemperance done away with, the Whiskey Ring broke up and destroyed, she wanted you to have nothin’ stronger than root beer when you had company to dinner, she offerin’ to send you some burdock and dandeline roots and some emptins to start it with, and she wanted her rights, and wanted ’em all by week after next without fail.”
He sithed hard, and I never see a linement fall furder than hisen fell, and kep’ a-fallin’. I pitied him, I see it wuz a hard stent for him to do it in the time she had sot, and he so fleshy too. But knowin’ how much wuz at the stake, and how the fate of Serepta and wimmen wuz tremblin’ in the balances, I spread them errents out before him. And bein’ truthful and above board, I told him that Serepta wuz middlin’ disagreeable and very humbly, but she needed her rights jest as much as though she wuz a wax-doll. And I went on and told him how she and her relations had suffered from want of rights, and how dretfully she had suffered from the Ring till I declare talkin’ about them little children of hern, and her agony, I got about as fierce actin’ as Serepta herself, and entirely onbeknown to myself I talked powerful on intemperance and Rings, and such.
When I got down agin onto my feet I see he had a still more worried and anxious look on his good-natured face, and he sez: “The laws of the United States are such that I can’t do them errands, I can’t interfere.”
“Then,” sez I, “why don’t you make the United States do right?”
He said sunthin’ about the might of the majority, and the powerful corporations and rings, and that sot me off agin. And I talked very powerful and allegored about allowin’ a ring to be put round the United States and let a lot of whiskey dealers and corporations lead her round, a pitiful sight for men and angels. Sez I, “How duz it look before the nations to see Columbia led round half-tipsy by a Ring?”
He seemed to think it looked bad, I knew by his looks.