_Keeper._ "A' weel, sir! 'Deed it's a maircy ye didna kill na mair o' 'em!!"]
_Sportsman._ "Boy, you've been at this whiskey!"
_Boy_ (_who has brought the luncheon-basket_). "Na! The cooark wadna come oot!"]
_Cautious Keeper._ "Weel, a' wadna gang quite sae faur as to say that; but a' doot ye hay'na _exactly_ hit."]
Those Scotch hotels! Those Scotch hotels Are fit for princes and for swells; But their high charges don't agree With humbler travellers like me.
Twelve shillings daily for my board Is more than I can well afford, For this includes nor ale nor wine, Whereof I drink some when I dine.
Bad sherry's charged at eight-and-six, A price that in my gizzard sticks: And if I want a pint of port, A crown is what I'm pilfer'd for 't.
For service, too, I have to pay, Two shillings, as a rule, per day: Yet always, when I leave the door, The boots and waiter beg for more.
So, till a fortune I can spend, Abroad my autumn steps I'll bend; Far cheaper there, experience tells, Is living than at Scotch hotels!
_Southern Lord_ (_staying at Highland castle_). "Thank you so much. I--ah--weally enjoy your music. I think of having a piper at my own place."
_Sandy the piper._ "An' fat kin' o' a piper would your lordship be needin'?"
_Southern Lord._ "Oh, certainly a good piper like yourself, Sandy."
_Sandy_ (_sniffing_). "Och! Inteet!--Ye might easily fin' a lord like your lordship, but it's nae sae easy to fin' a piper like me whatever!"]
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Punch in the Highlands, by Various