What the Jews really said, on thus being driven to church, was rather to this effect:--
Fee, faw, fum! bubble and squeak! Blessedest Thursday’s the fat of the week. Rumble and tumble, sleek and rough, Stinking and savory, smug and gruff, Take the church-road, for the bell’s due chime Gives us the summons--‘tis sermon-time!
Boh, here’s Barnabas! Job, that’s you? Up stumps Solomon--bustling too? Shame, man! greedy beyond your years To handsel the bishop’s shaving-shears? Fair play’s a jewel! Leave friends in the lurch? Stand on a line ere you start for the church!
Higgledy piggledy, packed we lie, Rats in a hamper, swine in a sty, Wasps in a bottle, frogs in a sieve, Worms in a carcass, fleas in a sleeve. Hist! square shoulders, settle your thumbs And buzz for the bishop--here he comes.
Bow, wow, wow--a bone for the dog! I liken his Grace to an acorned hog. What, a boy at his side, with the bloom of a lass, To help and handle my lord’s hour-glass! Didst ever behold so lithe a chine? His cheek hath laps like a fresh-singed swine.
Aaron’s asleep--shove hip to haunch, Or somebody deal him a dig in the paunch! Look at the purse with the tassel and knob, And the gown with the angel and thingumbob! What’s he at, quotha? reading his text! Now you’ve his curtsey--and what comes next?
See to our converts--you doomed black dozen-- No stealing away--nor cog nor cozen! You five, that were thieves, deserve it fairly; You seven, that were beggars, will live less sparely; You took your turn and dipped in the hat, Got fortune--and fortune gets you; mind that!
Give your first groan--compunction’s at work; And soft! from a Jew you mount to a Turk. Lo, Micah,--the selfsame beard on chin He was four times already converted in! Here’s a knife, clip quick--it’s a sign of grace-- Or he ruins us all with his hanging-face.
Whom now is the bishop a-leering at? I know a point where his text falls pat. I’ll tell him to-morrow, a word just now Went to my heart and made me vow To meddle no more with the worst of trades: Let somebody else play his serenades!
Groan all together now, whee--hee--hee! It’s a-work, it’s a-work, ah, woe is me! It began, when a herd of us, picked and placed, Were spurred through the Corso, stripped to the waist; Jew brutes, with sweat and blood well spent To usher in worthily Christian Lent.