What is that which belongs to yourself, yet is used by every one more than yourself? Your name.
What tongue is it that frequently hurts and grieves you, and yet does not speak a word? The tongue of your shoe.
What's the difference between the fire coming out of a steamship's chimney and the steam coming out of a flannel shirt airing? One is the flames from the funnel, the other the fumes from the flannel.
Why is a Joint Company not like a watch? Because it does _not_ go on after it is wound up!
When may a man be said to be personally involved? When he is wrapped up in himself.
Why ought golden sherry to suit tipplers? Because it's topers' (topaz) color.
What was it gave the Indian eight and ten-legged gods their name of Manitous? Why, their many toes, of course!
What should a man's wife be like? A lamb; young, playful, tender, nicely dressed, and with--"mint" sauce!
Why should we pity the young Exquimaux? Because each one of them is born to blubber!
What kind of a hen lays the longest? A dead hen.
Why _does_ a man permit himself to be henpecked? Because he's chicken-hearted!
What wind should a hungry sailor wish for? One that blows fowl and chops about.
Why is your considering yourself handsome like a chicken? Because it's a matter of a-pinion (opinion)!
What is the difference between a hen and an idle musician? One lays at pleasure; the other plays at leisure.
Why would a compliment from a chicken be an insult? Because it would be in fowl (foul) language!
What is the difference between a chicken who can't hold its head up and seven days? One is a weak one, and the other is one week.
Why are book-keepers like chickens? Because they have to scratch for a living.
Why is an aristocratic seminary for young ladies like a flower garden? Because it's a place of haughty culture (horticulture)!
Why are young ladies born deaf sure to be more exemplary than young ladies not so afflicted? Because they have never erred (heard) in their lives!
Why are deaf people like India shawls? Because you can't make them here (hear)!
Why is an undutiful son like one born deaf? Because your voice is lost upon him!
What is the difference between a spendthrift and a pillow? One is hard up, the other is soft down!