What is that which, though black itself, enlightens the world? Ink.
When is a sailor not a sailor? When he's a-board.
If you drive a nail in a board and clinch it on the other side, why is it like a sick man? Because it is in firm.
Why is the steeple of St. Paul's church like Ireland? Because there is a bell fast (Belfast) in it.
Why is a pretty young lady like a wagon-wheel? Because she is surrounded by felloes (fellows).
What mechanic never turns to the left? A wheelwright.
Why is opening a letter like taking a very queer method of getting into a room? Because it is breaking through the sealing (ceiling).
Why are persons with short memories like office-holders? Because they are always for-getting everything.
Do you rem-ember ever to have heard what the embers of the expiring year are called? Nov-ember and Dec-ember.
What word is it which expresses two things we men all wish to get, one bringing the other, but which if we do get them the one bringing the other, we are unhappy? Miss-fortune!
Why is it dangerous to take a nap in a train? Because the cars invariably run over sleepers.
Why are suicides invariably successful people in the world? Because they always manage to accomplish their own ends.
Why are the "blue devils" like muffins? Because they are both fancy bred (bread).
What would be a good epitaph on a duckling just dead? Peas (peace) to its remains!
Why should the "evil one" make a good husband? Because the deuce can never be-tray!
Why is money often moist? Because it's frequently dew (due) in the morning, and mist (missed) at night.
What part of a lady's face in January is like a celebrated fur? Chin-chilly!
What's the difference between a calf and a lady who lets her dress draggle in the mud? One sucks milk, the other--unfortunately for our boots--mucks silk.
What is the best word of command to give a lady who is crossing a muddy road? Dress up in front, close (clothes) up behind.
What is that from which you may take away the whole, and yet have some left? The word whole-some.
Complete, you'll own, I commonly am seen On garments new, and old, the rich, the mean; On ribbons gay I court your admiration, But yet I'm oft a cause for much vexation To those on whom I make a strong impression; The meed, full oft, of folly or transgression; Curtail me, I become a slender shred, And 'tis what I do before I go to bed, But an excursion am without my head; Again complete me, next take off my head, Then will be seen a savory dish instead; Again behead me, and, without dissection, I'm what your fruit is when in full perfection; Curtailed--the verb to tear appears quite plain; Take head and tail off,--I alone remain.