Chapter VI.
St. Ambrose explains that he is not speaking against
marriage, and proceeds to compare the advantages and disadvantages of
the single and married state.
24. I not indeed
discouraging marriage, but am enlarging upon the benefits of
virginity. “He who is weak,” says the Apostle, “eateth herbs.” I consider one thing necessary, I admire another. “Art thou bound to a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou free from a wife? Seek not a wife.” This is the command to those who are. But what does he say concerning virgins? “He who giveth his virgin in marriage doeth well, and he who giveth her not doeth better.” The one sins not if she marries, the other, if she marries not, it is for eternity. In the former is the remedy for weakness, in the latter the glory of chastity. The former is not reproved, the latter is praised.
25. Let us compare, if it pleases you, the
advantages of married women with that which awaits virgins. Though the noble woman boasts of her abundant offspring, yet the more she bears the more she endures. Let her count up the comforts of her children, but let her likewise count up the troubles. She marries and weeps. How many vows does she make with tears. She conceives, and her fruitfulness brings her trouble before offspring. She brings forth and is ill. How sweet a pledge which begins with danger and ends in danger, which will cause pain before pleasure! It is purchased by perils, and is not possessed at her own will.
26. Why speak of the troubles of nursing, training, and marrying? These are the miseries of those who are fortunate. A mother has heirs, but it increases her sorrows. For we must not speak of adversity, lest the minds of the holiest parents tremble. Consider, my sister, how hard it must be to bear what one must not speak of. And this is in this present age. But the days shall come when they shall say: “Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare.” For the daughters of this age are conceived, and conceive; but the daughter of the kingdom refrains from wedded pleasure, and the pleasure of the flesh, that she may be holy in body and in spirit.
27. Why should I further speak of the
painful ministrations and services due to their husbands from wives, to
whom before slaves God gave the command to serve? And I mention these things
that they may comply more willingly, whose reward, if approved, is
love; if not approved, punishment for the fault.
28. And in this position spring up those
incentives to vice, in that they paint their faces with various
colours, fearing not to please their husbands; and from staining their
faces, come to think of staining their chastity. What madness is
here, to change the fashion of nature and seek a painting, and while
fearing a husband’s judgment to give up their own. For she
is the first to speak against herself who wishes to change that which
is natural to her. So, while studying to please others, she
displeases herself. What truer witness to thy unsightliness do we
require, O woman, than thyself who art afraid to be seen? If thou
art beautiful, why hidest thou thyself? If unsightly, why dost
thou falsely pretend to beauty, so as to have neither the satisfaction
of thy own conscience, nor of the error of another? For he loves
another, thou desirest to please another. And art thou angry if
he love another, who is taught to do so in thy own person? Thou
art an evil teacher of thy own injury.
29. And next, what expense is necessary that even
a beautiful wife may not fail to please? Costly necklaces on the
one hand
hang on her neck, on the
other a robe woven with gold is dragged along the ground. Is this
display purchased, or is it a real possession? And what varied
enticements of perfumes are made use of! The ears are weighed
down with gems, a different colour from nature is dropped into the
eyes. What is there left which is her own, when so much is
changed? The married woman loves her own perceptions, and does
she think that this is to live?