Name the difference between a field of oats and M. F. Tupper? One is cut down, the other cut up!
How do we know Lord Byron did not wear a wig? Because every one admired his coarse-hair (corsair) so much!
Why ought Shakespeare's dramatic works be considered unpopular? Because they contain Much Ado About Nothing.
Why was Dickens a greater man than Shakespeare? Because Shakespeare wrote well, but Dickens wrote Weller.
Why are apples like printers' types? Because they are often in _pi(e)_.
How do we know Lord Byron was good-tempered? Because he always kept his choler (collar) down!
How can you instantly convict one of error when stating who was the earliest poet? By mentioning one Prior.
What is the most melancholy fact in the history of Milton? That he could "recite" his poems, but not resight himself!
Why do we speak of poetic fire? Because, if the ancient Scandinavians had their "Scalds," we have also had our Burns!
If a tough beef-steak could speak, what English poet would it mention? Chaw-sir (Chaucer)!
Why has Hanlon, the gymnast, such a wonderful digestion? Because he lives on ropes and poles, and thrives.
If Hanlon fell off his trapeze, what would he fall against? Why, most certainly against his inclination.
What song would a little dog sing who was blown off a ship at sea? "My Bark is on the Sea."
What did the sky-terrier do when he came out of the ark? He went smelling about for ere-a-rat (Ararat) that was there to be found.
What did the tea-kettle say when tied to the little dog's tail? "After you!"
What did the pistol-ball say to the wounded duelist? "I hope I give satisfaction."
What is the difference between an alarm bell put on a window at night and half an oyster? One is shutter-bell, the other but a shell.
I am borne on the gale in the stillness of night, A sentinel's signal that all is not right. I am not a swallow, yet skim o'er the wave; I am not a doctor, yet patients I save; When the sapling has grown to a flourishing tree, It finds a protector henceforward in me?
Why is a little dog's tail like the heart of a tree? Because it's farthest from the bark.
Why are the Germans like quinine and gentian? Because they are two tonics (Teutonics).
My first is a prop, my second's a prop, and my whole is a prop? A foot-stool.