208. A rich farmer’s son, who had been bred at the University, coming home to visit his father and mother, they being one night at supper on a couple of fowls, he told them, that by Logic and Arithmetic, he could prove those two fowls to be three. Well, let us hear, said the old man. Why this, cried the scholar, is one, and this, continued he, is two; two and one, you know, make three. Since you have made it out so well, answered the old man, your mother shall have the first fowl, I will have the second, and the third you may keep yourself for your great learning.
209. A gentleman, who had a suit in Chancery, was called upon by his counsel to put in his answer, for fear of incurring contempt. And why, said the gentleman, is not my answer put in? How should I draw your answer, cried the lawyer, ’till I know what you can swear? Pshaw, replied the client, prithee do your part as a lawyer, and draw a sufficient answer, and let me alone to do the part of a gentleman, and swear to it.
210. A country lass, with a pail of milk on her head going to market, was reckoning all the way, what she might make of it. This milk, said she, will bring me so much money, that money will buy so many eggs, those eggs so many chickens, and, with the fox’s leave, those chickens will make me mistress of a pig, and that pig may grow a fat hog, and when I have sold that, I may buy a cow and calf: and then, says she, comes a sweetheart, perhaps a farmer; him I marry, and my neighbours will say, How do you do, goody Such-a-one? and I’ll answer, Thank you, neighbour, how do you? But maybe my sweetheart may be a yeoman, and then it will be, How do you do, Mrs. Such-a-one? I’ll say, Thank you. Oh! but suppose I should marry a gentleman; then they’ll say, Your servant, madam, but then I’ll toss up my head, and say nothing. Upon the sudden transport of this thought, and with the motion of her head, down came the milk, which put an end at once to her fine scheme of her eggs, her chickens, her pig, her hog, and her husband.
211. Daniel Purcell, who was a nonjuror, was telling a friend of his, when King George the First landed at Greenwich, that he had a full view of him. Then, said his friend, you know him by sight? Yes, replied Daniel, I think I know him, but I can’t swear to him.