My agitation was extreme; finding myself, against my own intention and will, in the very tempest of a discussion for which I felt myself poorly prepared, I had little appetite or sleep. At length roused to a sense of my position, I felt that I must either flee or fight. I decided upon the latter, strengthened by the consciousness that my principles were those of the British Constitution and in defence of British rights. I devoted a day to fasting and prayer, and then went at my adversaries in good earnest. In less than four years after the commencement of this controversy, laws were passed authorising the different religious denominations to hold land for churches, parsonages, and burying grounds, and their Ministers to solemnize matrimony; while the Legislative Assembly passed, by large majorities, resolutions, and addresses to the Crown against the exclusive pretensions of the Church of England to the Clergy Reserves and being the exclusive established Church of Upper Canada, though the Clergy Reserve question itself continued to be discussed, and was not finally settled until more than ten years afterwards.
Several months after the commencement of this controversy I paid my first annual visit to my parents, and for the first two days the burden of my Father's conversation was this controversy which was agitating the country. At length, while walking in the orchard, my Father turned short, and in a stern tone, said, "Egerton, they say that you are the author of these papers which are convulsing the whole country. I want to know whether you are or not?" I was compelled to acknowledge that I was the writer of these papers, when my Father lifted up his hands, in an agony of feeling, and exclaimed, "My God! we are all ruined!"
The state of my own mind and the character of my labours during this first year of my ministry, may be inferred from the following brief extracts from my diary:--
_October 4th_,--I have this evening arrived on my Circuit at York. I feel the change to be awfully important, and entirely inadequate to give proper instruction to so intelligent a people. The Lord give me his assisting grace. I am resolved to devote my time, my heart, my all, to God without reserve. I do feel determined, by God's assistance, to rise early, spend no more time than is absolutely necessary, pray oftener, and more fervently, to be modest and solemn in the discharge of my public duties--to improve every leisure moment by reading or meditation, and to depend upon the assistance of Almighty God for the performance of every duty. Oh, Lord, assist an ignorant youth to declare thy great salvation!