DAVID. (_L. C._) Yes, sir! it _is_ a rum go and no mistake!
WOOD. I said nothing about a "rum go," David,--I limited myself to the expression "funny!"
DAVID. Only to think of _your_ settling down into a respectable member of society! Dear, dear, when I think of your desperate, wild, _au_dacious capers----
WOOD. Hush, David! not so loud? my respected mother-in-law might hear you; and between you and me Mrs. Colonel Carver is rather a formidable sort of person!
DAVID. Ees, sir! she _has_ a stiffish, frumpish look with her!
WOOD. I said nothing about "stiffish and frumpish," David,--I limited myself to the expression "formidable." As you say, David, I have been a sad scapegrace--a desperate rascal--but when a man has been cutting capers and nothing but capers for twenty years, it's high time he cut them altogether--in plain English, I felt I had had my _whack_, and that's why I've just married Miss Caroline Anastasia Sophia Elizabeth Carver!
DAVID. Well, sir, they do say a reformed rake makes the best husband, and you certainly had a regular good "innings" at it.
WOOD. I said nothing about "innings," David,--I limited myself to the expression _"whack!_" Has anything been sent from the railway station?
DAVID. Yes--sir, three parcels--here they be, sir! (_three brown paper parcels are on the table_)
WOOD. (_taking one parcel and opening letter, which is fastened to it_) "Two morning gowns in merino--best quality, quilted and lined,--cords and tassels as to order," that's all right; now the other parcels, David--(_opening the papers attached to them_) "Three woollen smoking caps, three cloth ditto, three silk ditto, three velvet ditto"--all right. (_opening third paper_) "Twelve pairs of slippers to measure, three lined with fur, three with flannel, &c., &c." Quite correct.
DAVID. Morning gowns, caps, and slippers! Why, I never seed you with one or the other in all my life, never!
WOOD. Exactly; because, hitherto, my existence has been passed in coats that cramped my body, hats that pinched my head, and boots that crippled my feet! But that's all over, David; to-morrow I insert my body into a morning gown, my head into a cap, my feet into a pair of slippers, and in that easy and unencumbered state I sink into a comfortable arm chair for the remainder of my existence. Not a bad notion, eh, David?