Very often the women of the family, or perhaps just one woman, finds her grief uncontrollable. Even though the funeral is private, and only relatives and close friends are present it is the privilege of the bereaved to keep to her room and find solace in solitude. The world will not censure her for being absent; it is a time when petty conventions may safely be overlooked. When one is grieving, suffering, miserable; and prefers to find peace alone, without the sympathies of others, she has every right in the world to do so. And she is breaking no rules of good conduct, either, for people of good breeding will recognize the depth of her overpowering grief.
Surely it is better to remain away from the services than to go in a state of hysteria. When sorrow is so poignant, private home services are usually held, in which case the immediate members of the family may gather in a room adjoining that in which the guests are assembled. Even in the deepest grief it is possible to remember and observe the great law--"be calm, be silent and serene," and tears do not always mean sorrow, nor loud wailing, grief.
Upon their return from the funeral, the family should find the windows open with the warm sunlight streaming through them and all outward signs of sorrow removed. The ribbon and flowers on the door are generally taken down as soon as the procession leaves.
In the house, all signs of the bereavement should be effaced. The furniture should be placed in its usual order. Everything connected with the funeral must be out of sight. The members of the family should be greeted with nothing, upon their return, that would possibly give cause for fresh sorrow. A considerate friend or relative should stay behind to attend to these details. It is not enough to leave everything in the hands of the undertaker and his assistants.
But even relatives should remember that the bereaved ones will want to be by themselves, and that solitude is often the greatest solace for grief.
For three weeks after a bereavement, women seclude themselves and receive no visitors except their most intimate friends. After this they are expected to be sufficiently resigned to receive the calls of condolence of their friends and acquaintances. They themselves make no visits until six months after the death.