Most unwelcome this conviction certainly was, as it could end, he thought, in nothing but a positive rupture between his family and the Osbornes; and unless he had the power of obtaining another home, it would certainly render them exceedingly uncomfortable. He knew the dowager to be of a vindictive disposition when she considered herself injured or insulted, and both to his own family and that of his beloved Emma, he foresaw nothing but evil from the prospect before then. If Emma should accept the son, the rage of his mother would certainly be intense, and if she refused him and accepted Mr. Howard instead, there was but little probability she would be better pleased. All hopes of further advancement from the family patronage would be at an end, and he was not sure that upon the small income his present living afforded him, it would be prudent to marry, as his sister and her little boy were quite dependent on himself. There were Charles' maintenance at a public school, and his subsequent expenses at the university to be looked forward to and provided for; he had engaged to do this, voluntarily engaged himself, and now that he came seriously to reflect on his position and ties, on the expenses of a married man, and the probabilities of any better future provision, he began to wonder what infatuation had before closed his eyes, and hurried him on against his better judgment, to an affection which threatened so much of care and difficulty. Yet it was hard, very hard to give up the charming hopes with which he had flattered his fancy; he did not feel equal to such a sacrifice; he did not feel positively called to it. For the present he would quit her, but he would make no desperate resolves for the future: when he came nearer that part of his path, he should be better able to tell in which direction his duty would guide him.
When he unexpectedly found himself in Emma's presence, and alone with her, his contending feelings had almost deprived him of self-control, and he had been scarcely conscious what he said or did, though on quitting her, he carried away a decided conviction that he had behaved extremely ill, and no doubt she was disgusted with him. With this pleasing notion he returned to his house, and his sister soon saw that there was something the matter, by the absence of his mind, and the air of depression which hung over him.