"Ya'as, I know," said the judge with a chuckle, "I found myself guilty and hev jest paid my fine into the treasury same ez you."
"Bully for you!" said Barrowdale. "By the way, do you put these fines back into the roads?"
"No," said the judge. "They go to the trial jestice in loo o' sal'ry."
A stranger came into an Augusta bank the other day and presented a check for which he wanted the equivalent in cash.
The stranger took a bunch of letters from his pocket all addressed to the same name as that on the check.
The man thought a minute and pulled out his watch, which bore the name on its inside cover.
The man dug into his pockets and found one of those "If-I-should-die-tonight-please-notify-my-wife" cards, and called the clerk's attention to the description, which fitted to a T.
"Those things don't prove anything," he said. "We've got to have the word of a man that we know."
"But, man, I've given you an identification that would convict me of murder in any court in the land."
"That's probably very true," responded the clerk, patiently, "but in matters connected with the bank we have to be more careful."
"Do you think a woman believes you when you tell her she is the first girl you ever loved?"
"Yes, if you're the first liar she has ever met."
Augustus Fitzgibbons Moran Fell in love with Maria McCann. With a yell and a whoop He cleared the front stoop Just ahead of her papa's brogan.
SPOONLEIGH--"Does your sister always look under the bed?"
HER LITTLE BROTHER--"Yes, and when you come to see her she always looks under the sofa."--_J.J. O'Connell_.
There was a young man from the West, Who loved a young lady with zest; So hard did he press her To make her say, "Yes, sir," That he broke three cigars in his vest.
"I hope your father does not object to my staying so late," said Mr. Stayput as the clock struck twelve.
"Oh, dear, no," replied Miss Dabbs, with difficulty suppressing a yawn, "He says you save him the expense of a night-watchman."
There was an old monk of Siberia, Whose existence grew drearier and drearier; He burst from his cell With a hell of a yell, And eloped with the Mother Superior.
It was scarcely half-past nine when the rather fierce-looking father of the girl entered the parlor where the timid lover was courting her. The father had his watch in his hand.