Now--dear _Mr. Punch_, if you want a few hours' fresh air, command the special train, which I am told, is kept in readiness for you at every London Terminus, to transport you--(not for your _country's_ good, but _your own_)--to Sheepsdoor, Kent, where you shall receive a hearty welcome--Lord ARTHUR is not with me, but my French maid will _chaperon_ us--_if necessary_.
To a Circus in Lancashire, once I went, To see a performing dog dance! But, my money in vain I found I'd spent, For I much prefer a "_Clog Dance_."
THE TWO SARAS OF THE SEASON.--SARA BERNHARDT and SARA SATE.
_Whereto a Brummagem Bard hath set these Spenserian Stanzas._
[Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, in his Election Address, explains how he has co-operated with the Conservative Government in order to maintain the Union between Great Britain and Ireland.]
The lyon would not leave her desolate, But with her went along as a strong gard Of her chast person, and a faithfull mate Of her sad troubles and misfortunes hard; And over her he kept both watch and ward, With the assistance of two valiant knightes, Prince ARTHURE, and the Red Crosse Paladin, A pair of brotherlie and doughtie wightes, Though erst had they indulged in mutual flouts and spites.
For loe! a divelish dragon didde infest That region, and fair UNA strove to slay. Her to protect from that prodigious pest, The Red Crosse Knight--who lived out Midland way-- Didde, with Prince ARTHURE, travel day by day, And prodded up that lyon as they strode, With their speare pointes, as though in jovial play, To holde fair UNA, who her safety owed, Unto the puissant beaste whereon she proudlie rode.
Anon they heard a roaring hideous sound That all the ayre with terror filled wyde, And seemed uneath to shake the stedfast ground; Eftsoones that dreadful dragon they espyde, Where stretcht he lay upon the sunny side Of a great hill, himself like a great hill: But, all so soone as he from far descryde Those glistering knights banded in right good will, He rous'd himselfe full blyth, and hastned them untill.
Then badd those knightes fair UNA yede aloof, Whiles they attacked that dragon side by side, And put the issue to stern battaille's proof; "We'll give this Big Green Bogey beans!" they cryde, That Red Crosse Knight of Brummagem in his pride, And brave Prince ARTHURE of the shining crest. But if victoriously their blades they plied, Or, baffled by the dragon, gave him beste,-- Why, that the barde will sing _after_ the battaille's teste!