ALICE. You have what? Do you realize that they were important legal documents? (_Falls in chair; covers face with hand_) Oh dear, oh dear, what shall I do. I guess I might as well give it all up.
DIANA. It is simply this. When I left your office yesterday I was bound to have you come with us by hook or by crook, so, very much depressed in spirits, I walked into the club and who should I meet there but two of my old school-mates. Instantly I thought of this plan, and to bring back school-day memories they promised to help me. My beloved school chums were to apply for the position you had open and I would also. So, my dear, Miss Johnickstoner, the first applicant, happens to be Miss Marie Hopkins, daughter of the mayor of Koscoe, the second applicant, Miss Chickenfencer, was the most dare-devil girl in our school, Miss Rose Fishby, and the third stands before you.
ALICE. Well, of all the nerve! I must say you had little to do to play such a joke on me.
DIANA (_arm around ALICE_). There now, cheer up. You know you are dying to laugh and vow it was a clever way to make you give up this silly fad. Of course, I am sure of your coming now.
ALICE. Indeed. (_Laughs_) Well, I must admit you certainly played the game high. I suppose I simply must give in. But, oh dear, how I shall be laughed at.
DIANA. All you have got to do is to laugh also. You know the old saying, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone."
ALICE. But, Mrs. Baxter, what will she say when she finds this out?
DIANA (_laughs_). Oh, some day I shall act for you the part Mrs. Baxter played in this tragedy. My, but her dignity was taken down a bit.
DIANA. The only thing I regret is the impression we gave you of stenographers. I must admit we did exaggerate a little. But, you see, if we acted as real stenographers, you would be so pleased and contented with your lot that you would never consent to give it up.
ALICE (_sighs_). But, oh, I can just picture father and Jack referring to this, in a burst of laughter, as "Alice's Blighted Profession."
One interior scene. A Dutch dialect teacher and three pupils consisting of a Bowery tough, a Hebrew boy, and a rather good little boy, create much merriment. Plays forty minutes.