Why is a theological student like a merchant? Because he studies the prophets (profits).
Why does a dog's tail resemble happiness? Because, run after it as he will, he cannot catch it.
Why is an insolent fishmonger likely to get more business than a civil one? Because, when he sells fish, he gives _sauce_.
Why are coopers like musical composers? Because they make use of _staves_.
Why is Mrs. Caudle like a locomotive engine? Because she is always on the _rail_.
Why is a partner in a joint-stock concern like a plowman? Because he is a _share_-holder.
Why should a speculator use a high stiffener for his cravat? Because he would be sure of a _rise_ in his _stock_.
Why is a gypsy's tent like a beacon on the coast? Because it is a _light_-house.
Why were the English victories in the Punjaub nothing to boast of? Because they were over Sikh (sick) armies.
Why are Cashmere shawls like persons totally deaf? Because you cannot _make_ them here (hear).
Why is a ship just arrived in port like a lady eagerly desiring to go to America? Because she is _hankering_ after a voyage.
Why may the Commissioners for Metropolitan Improvements never be expected to speak the truth? Because with them mend-a-city (mendacity) is a duty.
When is a ball not a ball? When it is snowball (no ball).
Why is chloroform like Mendelssohn or Rossini? Because it is one of the greatest composers of modern times.
Why is a sword that is too brittle like an ill-natured and passionate man? Because it is snappish and ill-tempered.
Why are steamboat explosions like short-hand writers leaving the House of Commons? Because they go off with reports.
Why is the profession of a barrister not only legal, but religious? Because it involves a knowledge of law, and a love of the profits (prophets).
Why ought a superstitious person to be necessarily temperate? Because he is afraid of spirits.
Why are the Commissioners of Stamps and Taxes like sailors at sea? Because they are a-board.
How is a successful gambler always an agreeable fellow? Because he has such winning ways.
Why should the ghost in Hamlet have been liable to the window-tax? Because he had glazed eyes.
Why does a donkey prefer thistles to corn? Because he is an ass.
Why is a whirlpool like a donkey? Because it is an eddy (a neddy).