EMPLOYER (to clerk)--"If that bore, Smithers, comes in, tell him I'm out--and don't be working or he'll know you're lying."
_The Ten Commandments_ (_By A Wise Employer_)
First--Don't lie. It wastes my time and yours. I am sure to catch you in the end, and that will be the wrong end.
Second--Watch your work, not the clock. A long day's work makes a long day short, and a short day's work makes my face long.
Third--Give me more than I expect, and I will give you more than you expect. I can afford to increase your pay if you increase my profits.
Fourth--You owe so much to yourself you cannot afford to owe anybody else. Keep out of debt.
Fifth--Dishonesty is never an accident. Good men, like good women, never see temptation when they meet it.
Sixth--Mind your own business, and in time you'll have a business of your own to mind.
Seventh--Don't do anything here which hurts your self-respect. An employee who is willing to steal for me is willing to steal from me.
Eighth--It is none of my business what you do at night. But if dissipation affects what you do the next day, and you do half as much as I demand, you'll last half as long as you hoped.
Ninth--Don't tell me what I'll like to hear, but what I ought to hear. I don't want a valet for my pride, but one for my purse.
Tenth--Don't kick if I kick. If you're worth while correcting, you're worth while keeping. I don't waste time cutting specks out of rotten apples.
One of the bosses at Baldwin's Locomotive Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Then, the following colloquy occurred:
"Sure, sur, Oi read it inside and Oi read it outside," said Pat, "and on the inside yez said I was fired and on the outside yez said: 'Return to Baldwin Locomotive Works in five days.'"
"Well, George," said the president of the company to old George, "how goes it?"
"Fair to middlin', sir," George answered. And he continued to currycomb a bay horse.
"Me an' this here boss," George said, suddenly, "has worked for your firm sixteen year."
"Well, well," said the president, thinking a little guiltily of George's salary. "And I suppose you are both pretty highly valued, George, eh?"