I know henceforth that I must search and seek And nevermore allow myself to doubt. In days gone by my vanity of thought Could have enticed me to the false belief That unto knowledge man aspires in vain; And only failure and despair belong To those who would lay bare the springs of life.
And were all wisdom to unite in this, And were I powerless to reject the claim That human destiny demands of man That he shall lose his individual self And sink into the gulf of nothingness, Yet would I make the venture unafraid. Such thoughts would be a sacrilege today, Since I have learned I cannot win repose Until the spirit treasure in my soul Hath been unveiléd to the light of day.
The fruits of work of spirit-entities Have been implanted in the human soul, And whoso leaves the spirit seed to lie Unheeded and decay, he brings to nought The work divine committed unto man. Thus do I recognize life's highest task; Yet when I try to take one single step Across the threshold that I dare not shun, I feel my strength desert me, which of yore Did pride itself on elevated thought, And sought the goals of life in time and space. Once did I reckon it an easy thing To set the brain in action and to grasp The nature of reality by thought. But now, when I would search the fount of life And comprehend it as in truth it is, My thought appears as some blunt instrument; I have no power, no matter how I strive, To form a clear thought-image from the words Of Benedictus, though his earnest speech, Should now direct me to the spirit's path.
'In silence sound the depths of thine own soul, And ever let strong courage be thy guide. Thy former ways of thinking cast away What time thou dost withdraw into thyself; For only when thine own light is put out Will spirit-radiance show itself to thee.'
It seems as though I could not draw my breath When I attempt to understand these words. And ere I feel the thoughts that I must think, Fear and misgiving have beset my soul. It is borne in on me that everything Which hitherto was my environment Is crumbling into ruin, and therewith I too am crumbling into nothingness. An hundred times at least have I perused The words which follow, and each several time Darkness enfolds me deeper than before.