Why am I the most peculiar person in the company? Because I am the querist (queerest).
Why is a blundering writer like an arbiter in a dispute? Because he writes (rights) wrong.
Why is hot bread like a caterpillar? Because it is the grub that makes the butterfly.
If a pair of spectacles could speak, what ancient historian would they name?--Eusebius (you see by us).
Why is a very angry man like the clock at fifty-nine minutes past twelve?--Because he is just ready to strike one.
Why is a shoe-maker like a true lover?--Because he is faithful to the last.
Why are there three objections to taking a glass of brandy?--Because there are three scruples to a dram.
In what respect were the governments of Algiers and Malta as different as light from darkness?--The one was governed by deys (days), the other by knights (nights).
When is a fowl's neck like a bell?--When it is wrung (rung).
When is a man thinner than a lath?--When he is a-shaving.
When is a soldier like a baby?--When he is in arms.
Why is a small musk-melon like a horse?--Because it makes a mango (man go).
Why is a man with wooden legs like one who makes an even bargain?--Because he has nothing to boot.
Why do bishops become wags when promoted to the highest office in the church? Because they become arch-bishops.
Why is a fop like a haunch of venison? Because he is a bit of a buck.
Why is a harmonium like the Bank of England? Because it issues notes.
Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because he stops at the sound of wo (woe).
Why is a miser like a man with a short memory? Because he is always for getting (forgetting).
Why is a fretful man like a hard-baked loaf? Because he is crusty.
Where did the executioner of Charles I. dine, and what did he take? He took a chop at the King's Head.
Why is Kossuth like an Irishman's quarrel? Because he is a patriot (Pat riot).
Why is Ireland like a sealed bottle of champagne? Because there is a Cork in it.
Why is an uncut leg of bacon like Hamlet in his soliloquy? Because it is ham let alone (Hamlet alone).
Why should taking the proper quantity of medicine make you sleepy? Because you take a dose.
Why is a pack of cards containing only fifty-one, sent home, as perfect as a pack of fifty-two sent home? Because they are in complete (in-complete).