Why is a widower like a house in a state of dilapidation? Because he ought to be _re-paired_.
Why are fowls gluttonous creatures? Because they take a peck at every mouthful.
Cannibalism--Feeding a baby with its pap.
Back-yards--The trains of ladies' dresses.
A dangerous man--One who takes life cheerfully.
A slow match--A couple that marries after twenty years' courtship.
Why is a widow like a gardener? Because she tries to get rid of her weeds.
Who was it that first introduced salt provisions? Noah, for he took Ham into the ark.
Short-sighted policy--Wearing spectacles.
A lightning-rod is attractive, in its way.
"This cheese is about right," said John; and Jane replied that it was, if mite makes right.
What is an artist to do when he is out of canvas? He should draw on his imagination.
A professor of petrifaction has appeared in Paris. He has an 'art of stone.
"Ah!" said she to her diamonds, "you _dear_ little things!"
After all, a doctor's diploma is but an M. D. honor.
The desire to go somewhere in hot weather is only equaled by the desire to get back again.
Lay up something for a rainy day, if it is nothing more than the rheumatism.
The man who waxes strong every day--The shoemaker.
To change dark hair to sandy--Go into the surf after a storm.
A melancholy reflection--The top of a bald head in a looking-glass.
In what age was gum-arabic introduced? In the mucilage.
Always cut off in its prime--An interest coupon.
Appropriate name for a cold beauty--Al-ice.
When a man attains the age of ninety years, he may be termed XC-dingly old.
When iron has been exposed to fogs, it is apt to be mist-rusted.
A "head gardener"--A maker of artificial flowers for ladies' hair.
A weather prophet says: "Perspiration never rains. It simply pores."
The spots on the sun do not begin to create such a disturbance as do the freckles on the daughter.
Why is fashionable society like a warming-pan? Because it is highly polished, but very hollow.
Another new reading--Man proposes, woman accepts.
"Necessity knows no law." Well, necessity is like a great many lawyers.
The civil service--Opening the door for anybody.
Touching incident--A physician feeling a patient's pulse.
Maxim for the lazy--No man can plow a field by turning it over in his mind.