SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF THE PICCADILLY GOAT TO ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, WHO IS QUIETLY DRESSING IN HIS ROOM ON SECOND FLOOR.
A CLUB ALMOST ENTIRELY DISAPPEARS. MEMBERS MAKE THE BEST OF THE SITUATION.]
[English ladies, conscious of conversational defects, and desirous of shining in Society, may be expected to imitate their American Cousins, who, according to _The Daily News_, employ a lady crammer who has made a study of the subject she teaches. Before a dinner or luncheon party, the crammer spends an hour or two with the pupil, and coaches her up in general conversation.]
It really took us by surprise, We thought her but a mere beginner, And widely opened were our eyes To hear her brilliant talk at dinner. She always knew just what to say, And said it well, nor for a minute Was ever at a loss,--I may As well confess--we men weren't in it!
The talk was of Roumania's Queen, And was she equal, say, to DANTE?-- The way that race was won by _Sheen_, And not the horse called _Alicánte_-- Of how some charities were frauds, How some again were quite deserving-- The beauties of the Norfolk broads-- The latest hit of Mr. IRVING--
Does sap go up or down the stem?-- The Boom of Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING-- The speeches of the G.O.M.-- The strength of Mr. MORLEY's "stripling" _Was_ JONAH swallowed by the whale?-- The price of jute--we wondered all if They'd have the heart to send to gaol Those heroes, SLAVIN and McAULIFFE.
"Oh, maiden fair," I said at last, "To hear you talk is most delightful; But yet the time, it's clear, you've passed In reading must be something frightful. Come--do you trouble thus your head Because you want to go to College By getting out of Mr. STEAD £300 for General Knowledge?"
"Kind Sir," she promptly then replied, "Your guess, I quite admit, was clever, And, if I now in you confide, You'll keep it dark, I'm sure, for ever. Yet do not get, I pray, enraged, For how I got my information Was simply this--_I have engaged_ _A Coach in General Conversation_,"
Will you allow me, as one who knows Russia by heart, to express my intense admiration for the new piece at the Shaftesbury Theatre, in which is given, in my opinion, the most faithful picture of the CZAR's dominions as yet exhibited to the British Public. ACT I. is devoted to "a Street near the Banks of the Neva, St. Petersburg," and here we have a splendid view of the Winter Palace, and what I took to be the Kremlin at Moscow. On one side is the house of a money-lender, and on the other the shelter afforded to a drosky-driver and his starving family. The author, whose name must be BUCHANANOFF (though he modestly drops the ultimate syllable), gives as a second title to this portion of his wonderful work, "The Dirge for the Dead." It is very appropriate. A student, whose funds are at the lowest ebb, commits a purposeless murder, and a "pope" who has been on the look-out no doubt for years, seizes the opportunity to rush into the murdered man's dwelling, and sing over his inanimate body a little thing of his own composition. Anyone who has been in Russia will immediately recognise this incident as absolutely true to life. Amongst my own acquaintance I know three priests who did precisely the same thing--they are called BROWNOFF, JONESKI, and ROBINSONOFF.