My heart aches so cruelly that I do not dare trust myself to the writing of any tenderness either to you, my dear, or to our dear children. Be assured, I feel with deep though sad affection toward you, and hold your character in general in more than mere esteem--in reverence.... I do not gather strength so fast as I had expected; but this I attribute to my very great anxiety. I am indeed _very feeble_, but after fifty-five days of such horrors, following the dreary heart-wasting of a year and more, it is a wonder that I am as I am. I sent you from Malta £110, and a duplicate in a second letter. If you have not received it, the triplicate is either at Malta or on its way from thence. I had sent another £100, but by Elliot's villainous treatment of me[37] was obliged to recall it. But these are trifles.
Mr. Clarkson is come, and is about to take me down to Parndon (Mr. S.'s country seat in Essex, about twenty miles from town). I shall return by Sunday or Monday, and my address, "S. T. Coleridge, Esqre, No. 348 Strand, London."
My grateful love to Southey, and blessing on his little one. And may God Almighty preserve you, my dear! and your faithful, though long absent husband,
[Farmhouse near Coleorton,] December 25, 1806.
MY DEAR SARA,--By my letter from Derby you will have been satisfied of our safety so far. We had, however, been grossly deceived as to the equi-distance of Derby and Loughborough. The expense was nearly double. Still, however, I was in such torture and my boils bled, throbbed, and _stabbed_ so _con furia_, that perhaps I have no reason for regret. At Coleorton we found them dining, Sunday, 1/2 past one o'clock. To-day is Xmas day. Of course we were welcomed with an uproar of sincere joy: and Hartley hung suspended between the ladies for a long minute. The children, too, jubilated at Hartley's arrival. He has behaved very well indeed--only that when he could get out of the coach at dinner, I was obliged to be in incessant watch to prevent him from rambling off into the fields. He twice ran into a field, and to the further end of it, and once after the dinner was on table, I was out five minutes seeking him in great alarm, and found him at the further end of a wet meadow, on the marge of a river. After dinner, fearful of losing our places by the window (of the long coach), I ordered him to go into the coach and sit in the place where he was before, and I would follow. In about five minutes I followed. No Hartley! Halloing--in vain! At length, where should I discover him! In the same meadow, only at a greater distance, and close down on the very edge of the water. I was angry from downright fright! And what, think you, was Cataphract's excuse! "It was a misunderstanding, Father! I thought, you see, that you bid me go to the very same place, in the meadow where I was." I told him that he had interpreted the text by the suggestions of the flesh, not the inspiration of the spirit; and _his Wish_ the naughty father of the baseborn Thought. However, saving and excepting his passion for field truantry, and his hatred of confinement [in which his fancy at least--