Why does a nobleman's title sometimes become extinct? Because, though the Queen can make a man appear (a peer), she can't make him apparent (a parent).
Why is the Prince of Wales, musing on his mother's government, like a rainbow? Because it's the son's (sun's) reflection on a steady reign (rain)!
Why was Louis Phillippe like a very wet day? Because he rained (reigned) as long as he could, and then--mizzled!
When Louis Phillippe was deposed, why did he lose less than any of his subjects? Because, whilst he only lost a crown, they lost a sovereign.
Why is the final letter in Europe like a Parisian riot? Because it's an E-mute.
What was once the most fashionable cap in Paris? The mob--without a crown.
Without my _first_ no man nor beast could live. It was my _second_ who my _first_ did give; And now vain man assumes my _second's_ name, And to my _first_ makes his resistless claim. Oh, luckless they who feel the harsh control, When cold and heartless proves my grasping _whole_.
Why are ballet-women so wicked? Because they are never content until they execute their pas.
Give a good definition for cant? Spirits of whine!
In what respect do modern customs differ materially from ancient ones? Formerly they were hewers of wood and drawers of water; now we have drawers of wood and ewers of water!
Why does a man who has been all his life a hewer of wood, that is, a wood-cutter, never come home to dinner? Because he's not only bre(a)d there, but he's always a chop(p)in' the wood!
Why should the poet have expected the woodman to "spare that tree?" Because he thought he was a good feller!
What did Jack Frost say when he kissed the violet? Wilt thou? And it wilted.
What trees has fire no effect upon? Ashes, as, when burned, they're ashes still.
If a tree were to break a window, what would the window say? Tre-mend-us!
And when is a charade like a fir-tree? When you get a deal bored (board) from its length!
What did the rose say to the sun? Blow me!
Ah! but what did the sun say to the rose? You be blowed!
What musical instrument invites you to fish? Cast-a-nets!
Why is the Ohio river like a drunken man? Because it takes in too much Monongahela at Pittsburgh, runs past Wheeling, gets a Licking opposite Cincinnati, and falls below Louisville.