Tommy and Johnnie were boys at school, Tommy was clever, but Johnnie a fool; Tommy at lessons was sharp and bright, Johnnie could never do anything right. Genius often is known to fail; Tommy turned forger, and went to jail. Johnnie, though slow as he well could be, Plodded away and became M.P.
[Illustration: "CONSERVATION OF TISSUE."--_Uncle._ "Well, Tommy, you see I'm back; are you ready? What have I to pay for, miss?"
_Miss._ "Three buns, four sponge cakes, two sandwiches, one jelly, five tarts, and----" _Uncle._ "Good gracious, boy! Are you not ill?" _Tommy._ "No, uncle; but I'm thirsty."]
[Illustration: _Benevolent Old Gentleman._ "Now then, little boy. What do you mean by bullying that little girl? Don't you know it's very cruel?"
_Rude Little Boy._ "Garn! wot's the trouble? _She's my Sweetheart!_"]
[Illustration: _Grandpapa._ "Well little lady, will you give me a lock of that pretty hair of yours?" _Marjory._ "Yes, granpa'; but"--(_hesitating_)--"I don't fink _one_ lock would be enough, would it?"]
THE CASE FOR THE DEFENCE.--_Mother._ Oh, Dicky, what terrible things you do keep in your pockets! Fancy, a dead crab!
_Dicky._ Well, mother, it wasn't dead when I put it there!
HAPPY THOUGHT.--"Why, my boy, you've spelt window without an _N_! Don't you know the difference between a _window_ and a _widow_?"
"Yes, sir. You can see through _one_--and--and--you can't see through the _other_, sir!"
THE YOUNG IDEA AGAIN.--(SCENE--_Fourth-standard room of an elementary school. Children reading._) _Inspector_ (_to the Teacher_). What are they reading about?
_Inspector._ I will ask them a few questions. (_To children._) What is a Red Indian's wife called? (_Many hands up_). Tell me.
_Inspector._ What is a Red Indian's baby called? (_Silence. At last a boy volunteers._) Well, my boy?
[Illustration: A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT THIS FESTIVE SEASON
_Mamma._ "Why, my dearest Albert, what are you crying for?--so good, too, as you have been all day!"
_Spoiled Little Boy._ "Boo-hoo! I've eaten so--m-much be-eef and t-turkey, that I can't eat any p-p-plum p-p-pudding!"
[_Oh, what a very greedy little fellow._]
A MODERN PARIS.--_Schoolmaster._ Now, boys, supposing that the goddesses Diana, Venus, and Juno were to appear before you, what would you do with this apple?