All gentle folks who owe a grudge
To any living thing, Open your ears and stay your trudge Whilst I in dudgeon sing.
The gad-fly he hath stung me sore -
O may he ne'er sting you! But we have many a horrid bore He may sting black and blue.
Has any here an old grey mare
With three legs all her store? O put it to her buttocks bare And straight she'll run on four.
Has any here a lawyer suit
Of 1743? Take lawyer's nose and put it to't And you the end will see.
Is there a man in Parliament
Dumbfoundered in his speech? O let his neighbour make a rent And put one in his breech.
O Lowther, how much better thou
Hadst figure t'other day, When to the folks that mad'st a bow And hadst no more to say,
If lucky gad-fly had but ta'en
His seat upon thine arse, And put thee to a little pain To save thee from a worse.
Better than Southey it had been, Better than Mr D—, Better than Wordsworth too, I ween, Better than Mr V—.
Forgive me pray, good people all, For deviating so. In spirit sure I had a call - And now I on will go.
Has any here a daughter fair
Too fond of reading novels, Too apt to fall in love with care And charming Mister Lovels?
O put a gad-fly to that thing
She keeps so white and pert -
I mean the finger for the ring, And it will breed a Wert.
Has any here a pious spouse
Who seven times a day
Scolds as King David prayed, to chouse
And have her holy war?
O let a gad-fly's little sting
Persuade her sacred tongue
That noises are a common thing, But that her bell has rung.
And as this is the summun bo-
num of all conquering, I leave withouten wordès mo The gad-fly's little sting.