_Bobby._ "Do you know what daddy calls you, Mr. Tovey?"
_Bobby._ "He calls you Port Arthur, 'cause you take so long to surrender!"]
[Illustration: _Little Girl_ (_to mother, who has just read notice_). "I suppose, mother, it doesn't mention _which_ half of the poor thing we are to look for?"]
JUVENILE GEOGRAPHY.--_Governess._ The earth moves round the sun ... it takes a whole year to complete the round ... and this accounts for the four seasons. What are the four seasons of the year, Phyllis?
_Phyllis_ (_aged_ five). This year, next year, sometime, never.
"IT'S A WISE CHILD THAT KNOWS ITS OWN FATHER."--_Grace._ Harold, why did pa call that Mr. Blowhard a liar?
A LITTLE LEARNING.--_Teacher._ And who was Joan of Arc?
A LITTLE STEPMOTHER.--_Uncle._ Hullo! Dot, got a new doll?
_Little Miss Dot._ Hush, uncle, don't speak too loud. She is not one of my own, but belonged to Millie Simpson, who was cruel to her and 'bandoned her, so I have 'dopted her; but I don't want her to know, because I mean to make no difference between her and my own dollies.
_Katie_ (_in consternation_). "Oh, mother, how _will_ Santa Claus do about that poor man's stockings?"]
[Illustration: THE RETURN INVITATION.--"Please, Mrs. Subbubs, mamma says she'll be glad if you'll come to tea on Monday." "With pleasure, Bessie. Tell your mother it's really too kind----" "Oh, no! mamma says she'll be glad when it's over."]
[Illustration: "Did our hat-rack walk about and have only two pegs, once, auntie?"]
[Illustration: STABLE TALK.--_The General._ "That's a funny sort of horse you've got there, Cuthbert." _Cuthbert._ "Yes, gran'pa. You see he's been 'eating his head off' all the winter!"]
[Illustration: _Severe Mother._ "You naughty boy! How dare you tell such stories? Aren't you ashamed of yourself for being a little liar?" _Injured Son._ "Well, mother, 't ain't my fault. Father gave me a awful thrashing the other day for having spoken the truth." _Mother._ "What _do_ you mean?" _Son._ "Why, when I told you that father had come home quite drunk the night before!"]
"Nurse! Nurse! Bobby's out of bed, and running about in his _bananas_!"]
"You won't go in that dark room alone by yourself, Tommy."
"Oh! won't I? You just _come with me_, and see me do it!"]