Not far from these were a company of handsome women, that were tormented in the quality of witches, which grieved my very heart to see it; but to comfort me, “What?” says a devil, “have you so soon forgot the roguery of these carrions? Have you not had trial enough yet of them? they are the very poison of life, and the only dangerous magicians that corrupt all our senses, and disturb the faculties of your soul; these are they that cozen your eyes with false appearances, and set up your wills in opposition to your understanding and reason.” “’Tis right,” said I, “and now you mind me of it, I do very well remember, that I have found them so; but let’s go on and see the rest.”
I was scarce gone three steps farther, but I was got into so hideous a dark place that it was e’en a mercy we knew where we were. There was first at the entrance, Divine Justice, which was most dreadful to behold; and a little beyond stood Vice, with a countenance of the highest pride and insolence imaginable; there was Ingratitude, Malice, Ignorance, obstinate and incorrigible Infidelity, brutish and headstrong Disobedience, rash and imperious Blasphemy, with garments dipped in blood, eyes sparkling, and a hundred pair of chops, barking at Providence, and vomiting rage and poison. I went in (I confess) with fear and trembling, and there I saw all the sects of idolaters and heretics, that ever yet appeared upon the stage of the universe; and at their feet, in a glorious array, was lascivious Barbara, second wife to the Emperor Sigismund, and the queen of harlots: one that agreed with Messalina in this, that virginity was both a burden and a folly; and that in her whole life she was never either wearied or satisfied; but herein she went beyond her, in that she held the mortality as well of the soul as of the body; but she was now better instructed, and burnt like a bundle of matches.
Passing forward still, I spied a fellow in a corner, all alone, with the flames about his ears, gnashing his teeth and blaspheming through fury and despair. I asked him what he was, and he told me he was Mahomet. “Why, then,” said I, “thou art the damnedest reprobate in hell, and hast brought more wretches hither than half the world beside: and Lucifer has done well to allot thee a quarter here by thyself, for certainly thou hast well deserved the first place in his dominions. But since every man chooses to talk of what he loves, I prithee, good impostor, tell me, what’s the reason that thou hast forbidden wine to all thy disciples?” “Oh,” says he, “I have made them so drunk with my Alchoran they need no tipple.” “But why hast thou forbidden them swines’ flesh too?” said I. “Because,” says he, “I would not affront the jambon; for water upon gammon would be false heraldry. And beside I never loved my people well enough to afford them the pleasure, either of the grape or the spare-rib. Nay, and for fear they should chance to grope out the way to heaven, I have established my power and my dominion by force of arms; without subjecting my laws to idle disputes and discourses of reason. Indeed there is little of reason in my precepts, and I would have as little in their obedience. A world of disciples I have, but I think they follow me more out of appetite than religion, or for the miracles I work. I allow them liberty of conscience; they have as many women as they please, and do what they list, provided they meddle not with the Government. But look about ye now, and you’ll find that there are more knaves than Mahomet.”