This version is neither bad nor good. The style is, on the whole fair, knowledge of vocabulary very fair, and the rendering generally accurate. It will, however, be of use to you as an object lesson: so notice carefully the following points:--
(i.) The Oratio Obliqua of the original he renders partly as Reported Speech and partly as Oratio Recta. This is, of course, to be avoided. Contrast the rendering given under Sentence IV.
(ii.) +Is perfunctus ... darentur.+ He uses too many participles. Contrast version under Sentence III.
(iii.) He translates +data pro quinque ... substiterat+ by one long sentence, instead of breaking it up into two at least.
+Se peritum ... usurum.+ He confuses +pretium+ with +praemium+, +operae+ with +rei publicae+ (?). He should have been familiar with the phrase +operae pretium+.
+inventorem+ he renders by _enemy_; perhaps a careless mistake, as if the word were +inimicum+ (which after all does not = +hostem+).
+stolide+ he renders by _faithfully_. A moment’s thought given to the English word _stolid_ should have put him on the right track.
+concivit+ he renders by _got_, vague and inappropriate. He fails to bring out the root-meaning of +cieo+ = _to stir up_.
This is very bad. _Analysis_ would at once have shown him that the logical order of the sentence was
+Alia fortuna bene gerendae rei oblata est Hannibali in his locis+,
though he might not see that +in his locis+ must be closely connected with +oblata est+.
+brevi operae pretium facturum.+ Very bad: due probably to not carefully weighing the meaning of each word.
You will now see that a strict attention to analysis and to the root-meanings of words really familiar would have enabled this candidate to send up a good version.
Haud dubia res est, quippe inter Hannibalem ducem et centurionem; exercitusque, alterum vincendo veteranum, alterum novum totum, magna ex parte etiam tumultuarium et semiermem. |I| Ut conspecta inter se agmina sunt, et neutra pars detrectavit pugnam, extemplo instructae acies. |II| Pugnatum tamen, ut in nulla pari re, duas amplius horas, concitata et, donec dux stetisset, Romana acie. |III| Postquam is non pro vetere fama solum, sed etiam metu futuri dedecoris, si sua temeritate contractae cladi superesset, obiectans se hostium telis cecidit, fusa extemplo est Romana acies. |IV| Sed adeo ne fugae quidem iter patuit omnibus viis ab equite insessis, ut ex tanta multitudine vix mille evaserint, ceteri passim alii alia peste absumpti sint. |V|