A hexile from Parry, I'm off o'er the main; Ah! give me my native Newmarkit again; The mugs, smiling sweetly, wot come at my bawl, Give me these, and the "pieces," far dearer than all. 'Ome, 'ome, Sweet, sweet 'ome, With RAIKES[1], LOWTHER, CHAPLIN, there's no place like 'ome.
"Mean to sing _that_ at our next 'Smoker,' BOB. But till then, Ta--ta!!"
[Footnote 1: Which gentleman declined to find out for Mr. SAMUEL SMITH, "what proportion betting messages bear to the other telegrams transmitted by the Post-office Department."]
DESDEMONA TO THE AUTHOR OF "DORIAN GRAY."
"These are old fond paradoxes, to make boys crow i' the Club corner. What miserable praise hast thou for him that's foul and foolish?"
SOMETHING IN A NAME.--A recent theatrical announcement informed us that a new comedy would be produced from the pen of a Mr. HENRY DAM. If successful, imagine the audience calling for the Author by name. If a triumph, the new dramatist will be known as "The big, big D."
BY A TIRED AND CYNICAL CRITIC OF CURRENT FICTION.
A "School for Novelists," they say, has risen. A School? What's really wanted is a Prison. Life-long confinement far from pen and ink _Might_ cure the crowd of fictionists, I _think_. Or, if by Lessons you'd arrest the blight, Go teach the Novelist how _not_ to write!
ATHLETICS.--It is said that the County Council are resolved to forbid the popular feats of raising heavy weights, upon the ground that it may lead to shoplifting.
WORKING AND PLAYING BEES.--_Lady B-ountiful_ first, at the Garrick, and _Lady B-arter_ at the Princess's.
_Big Ben_. "OH, FLATTERY'S THE BANE OF FRIENDSHIP! JUST LOOK AT YOU AND ME, OLD MAN! WHY, I'VE _ALWAYS_ TOLD YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF, HOWEVER DISAGREEABLE! IT'S A WAY I HAVE. AND YET WE'VE BEEN FAST FRIENDS FOR FORTY YEARS, AND I LIKE YOU BETTER THAN ANY FRIEND I POSSESS! INDEED, YOU'RE ABOUT THE ONLY FRIEND I'VE GOT LEFT!"
_Little Dick_ (_dreamily_). "AH, BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT I'VE _NEVER TOLD YOU THE TRUTH BACK AGAIN!_"]
(_A DEPARTMENTAL TRAGI-COMEDY, IN ACTIVE REHEARSAL._)
ACT I.--_The Scene represents the Interior of a Military Instruction Room. Black Boards, on which are displayed advanced Problems and Calculations in the Higher Mathematics, and various Scientific Charts cover the Walls. Models of mechanical contrivances and machinery used in the construction of complicated Small Arms approved by the Authorities, are scattered about in every direction._ TOMMY ATKINS _is discovered, giving his best attention to the conclusion of a very lengthy but rather abstruse explanatory Lecture._