The Right Honourable----(but it is not safe to insert the name of an eminent nobleman in this paper, yet I will venture to say that such a one has been _seen_; which is all we can say, considering the largeness of his sleeves)--This young nobleman was not only a flagitious punster himself, but was accessary to the punning of others, by consent, by provocation, by connivance, and by defence of the evil committed; for which the Lord mercifully spared his neck, but as a mark of reprobation _wryed his nose_.
Another nobleman of great hopes, no less guilty of the same crime, was made the punisher of himself with his own hand, in the loss of 500 pounds at box and dice; whereby this unfortunate young gentleman incurred the heavy displeasure of his aged grandmother.
A third of no less illustrious extraction, for the same vice, was permitted to fall into the arms of a _Dalilah_, who may one day cut off his curious hair, and deliver him up to the _Philistines_.
Colonel F----, an ancient gentleman of grave deportment, gave into this sin so early in his youth, that whenever his tongue endeavours to speak common sense, he hesitates so as not to be understood.
Thomas Pickle, gentleman, for the same crime, banished to Minorca.
Muley Hamet, from a wealthy and hopeful officer in the army, turned a miserable invalid at Tilbury-Fort.
---- Eustace, Esq. for the murder of much of the King's English in Ireland, is quite deprived of his reason, and now remains a lively instance of emptiness and vivacity.
Poor Daniel Button, for the same offence, deprived of his wits.
One Samuel, an Irishman, for his forward attempt to pun, was stunted in his stature, and hath been visited all his life after with bulls and blunders.
George Simmons, shoemaker at Turnstile in Holborn, was so given to this custom, and did it with so much success, that his neighbours gave out he was a wit. Which report coming among his creditors, nobody would trust him; so that he is now a bankrupt, and his family in a miserable condition.
Divers eminent clergymen of the university of Cambridge, for having propagated this vice, became great drunkards and Tories.
_From which calamities, the Lord in his mercy defend us all_, &c. &c.
When Adam and Eve, as the saints all believe, From the garden of Eden were driven; They put up a prayer to king Joe in his chair, That a boon he would grant them from heaven. 'Twas in vain that old Jove 'gainst their petition strove, Madame Juno determined to grapple His arguments keen; said the thunderer's queen, "Where's the sin, pray, of stealing an apple? Send Momus, I beg, let him carry an egg, To earth's now disconsolate son; And bid Mistress Eve, that no longer she grieve, For the gods have enclosed them a _Pun_." Now downward the sprite on the earth did alight, And cracking the shell on the floor, Gave birth to a Pun, full of humour and fun, And sadness they never knew more.