For fear of being discovered, I went my way, and my next visit was to the impertinent devotees, whose very prayers are made up of impiety and extravagance. Oh! what sighing was there, and sobbing! groaning and whining! Their tongues were tied up to a perpetual silence; their souls drooping, and their ears condemned to hear eternally the hideous cries and reproaches of a wheezing devil, greeting them after this manner. “Oh, ye impudent and profane abusers of prayer and holy duties! that treat the Lord of heaven and earth in His own house, with less respect than ye would do a merchant upon the Change, sneaking into a corner with your execrable petitions, for fear of being overheard by your neighbours; and yet without any scruple at all, ye can expose and offer them up to that Eternal Purity! shameless wretches that ye are! ‘Lord,’ says one, ‘take the old man, my father, to Thyself, I beseech Thee, that I may have his office and estate. Oh, that this uncle of mine would but march off! There’s a fat Bishopric, and a good Deanery; I would the devil had the incumbent so I had the dignity. Now for a lusty pot of guineas, or a lucky hand at dice if it be Thy pleasure, and then I would not doubt of good matches for my children. Lord, make me His Majesty’s favourite and Thy servant; that I may get what’s convenient, and keep what I have gotten. Grant me this, and I do here engage myself, to entertain six blue-coats, and bind them out to good trades; to set up a lecture for every day of the week; to give one-third part of my clear gains to charitable uses; and another, toward the repairing of Paul’s; and to pay all honest debts, so far as may stand with my private convenience.’ Blind and ridiculous madness! for dust and ashes thus to reason and condition with the Almighty! for beggars to talk of giving, and obtrude their vain and unprofitable offerings upon the inexhaustible fountain of riches and bounty! To pray for those things as blessings, which are commonly showered down upon us for our confusion and punishment. And when, in case your wishes take effect, what becomes of all the sacred vows and promises ye made, in storms, (perhaps) sickness or adversity? so soon as ye have gained your port, recovered your health; or patched up a broken fortune, you show yourselves, all of ye, a pack of cheats; your vows and promises are not worth so many rushes: they are forgotten with your dreams; and to keep a promise upon devotion, that you made out of necessity, is no article of your religion. Why do ye not ask for peace of conscience? Increase of grace? The aid of the Blessed Spirit? But you are too much taken up with the things of this world, to attend those spiritual advantages and treasures; and to consider, that the most acceptable sacrifices and obligations you can make to the Almighty, are purity of mind, an humble spirit, and a fervent charity. The Almighty takes delight to be often called upon, that He may often pour down His blessings upon His petitioners. But such is the corruption of human nature, that men seldom think of Him, unless under afflictions; and therefore it is that they are often visited; for by adversity they are brought to the knowledge and exercise of their duty. I would now have you consider, how little reason there is in your ordinary demands. Put case you have your asking; what are you the better for the grant? since it fails you at last; because you did not ask aright. When you die, your estate goes to your children; and for their parts, you are scarce cold, before you are forgotten. You are not to expect they should bestow much upon works of charity; for if nothing went that way while you were living, they’ll live after your example when you are dead. And, beside, there’s no merit in the case.” At this word some of the poor creatures were about to reply; but the devils had put barnacles upon their lips, that hindered them.