MEDICAL STUDENT--"What did you operate on that man for?"
MEDICAL STUDENT--"I mean what did he have?"
The three degrees in medical treatment--Positive, ill; comparative, pill; superlative, bill.
"What caused the coolness between you and that young doctor? I thought you were engaged."
"His writing is rather illegible. He sent me a note calling for 10,000 kisses."
"I thought it was a prescription, and took it to the druggist to be filled."
A tourist while traveling in the north of Scotland, far away from anywhere, exclaimed to one of the natives: "Why, what do you do when any of you are ill? You can never get a doctor."
"Nae, sir," replied Sandy. "We've jist to dee a naitural death."
When the physician gives you medicine and tells you to take it, you take it. "Yours not to reason why; yours but to do and die."
Physicians, of all men, are most happy: whatever good success soever they have, the world proclaimeth; and what faults they commit, the earth covereth.--_Quarles_.
This is the way that physicians mend or end us, Secundum artem: but although we sneer In health--when ill, we call them to attend us, Without the least propensity to jeer.
"Oh, dear!" sighed the wife as she was dressing for a dinner-party, "I can't find a pin anywhere. I wonder where all the pins go to, anyway?"
"That's a difficult question to answer," replied her husband, "because they are always pointed in one direction and headed in another."
"Oh, no. Made an ascension at Pittsburg."
SKYBOUGH--"Why have you put that vacuum cleaner in front of your airship?"
KLOUDLEIGH--"To clear a path. I have an engagement to sail over Pittsburg."
A man just back from South America was describing a volcanic disturbance.
"I was smoking a cigar before the door of my hotel," said he, "when I was startled by a rather violent earthquake. The next instant the sun was obscured and darkness settled over the city. Looking in the direction of the distant volcano, I saw heavy clouds of smoke rolling from it, with an occasional tongue of flame flashing against the dark sky.
"Some of the natives about me were on their knees praying; others darted aimlessly about, crazed with terror and shouting for mercy. The landlord of the hotel rushed out and seized me by the arm.