Philosophy is finding out how many things there are in the world which you can't have if you want them, and don't want if you can have them.--_Puck_.
The eight-year-old son of a Baltimore physician, together with a friend, was playing in his father's office, during the absence of the doctor, when suddenly the first lad threw open a closet door and disclosed to the terrified gaze of his little friend an articulated skeleton.
When the visitor had sufficiently recovered from his shock to stand the announcement the doctor's son explained that his father was extremely proud of that skeleton.
"I don't know," was the answer; "maybe it was his first patient."
The doctor stood by the bedside, and looked gravely down at the sick man.
"I can not hide from you the fact that you are very ill," he said. "Is there any one you would like to see?"
"Doctor, I want you to look after my office while I'm on my vacation."
"But I've just graduated, doctor. Have had no experience." "That's all right, my boy. My practice is strictly fashionable. Tell the men to play golf and ship the lady patients off to Europe."
An old darky once lay seriously ill of fever and was treated for a long time by one doctor, and then another doctor, for some reason, came and took the first one's place. The second physician made a thorough examination of the patient. At the end he said, "Did the other doctor take your temperature?"
"Ah dunno, sah," the patient answered. "Ah hain't missed nuthin' so far but mah watch."
There had been an epidemic of colds in the town, and one physician who had had scarcely any sleep for two days called upon a patient--an Irishman--who was suffering from pneumonia, and as he leaned over to hear the patient's respiration he called upon Pat to count.
The doctor was so fatigued that he fell asleep, with his ear on the sick man's chest. It seemed but a minute when he suddenly awoke to hear Pat still counting: "Tin thousand an' sivinty-six, tin thousand an' sivinty-sivin--"
FIRST DOCTOR--"I operated on him for appendicitis."
SECOND DOCTOR--"What was the matter with him?"--_Life_.
FUSSY LADY PATIENT--"I was suffering so much, doctor, that I wanted to die."
DOCTOR--"You did right to call me in, dear lady."