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_Author of_ "_By and Large_," "_In Other Words_," "_Tobogganing on Parnassus_," "_Weights and Measures_," _Etc._
DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY GARDEN CITY NEW YORK LONDON 1920
DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, INCLUDING THAT OF TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE SCANDINAVIAN
The author wishes to thank the _New York Tribune_, _Life_, _Harper's Magazine_, _Collier's Weekly_, and _The Home Sector_, for their kind permission to include in this volume material which has appeared in their pages.
If Amy Lowell Had Been James Whitcomb Riley 35
If the Advertising Man Had Been Gilbert 37
If the Advertising Man Had Been Praed, or Locker 39
On First Looking into Bee Palmer's Shoulders 41
Unshackled Thoughts on Chivalry, Romance, Adventure, Etc. 52
Regarding (1) the U. S. and (2) New York 54
Lines on and from "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations" 57
When You Meet a Man from Your Own Home Town 59
"So Shines a Good Deed in a Naughty World" 71
Lines Written on the Sunny Side of Frankfort Street 79
Lines on Reading Frank J. Wilstach's "A Dictionary of Similes" 94
To W. Hohenzollern, on Discontinuing The Conning Tower 100
To W. Hohenzollern, on Resuming The Conning Tower 103
_"Tu ne quaesieris--scire nefas--quem mihi; quem tibi----"_
Nay, query not, Leuconoë, the finish of the fable; Eliminate the worry as to what the years may hoard! You only waste your time upon the Babylonian Table-- (Slang for the Ouija board).
And as to whether Jupiter, the final, unsurpassed one, May add a lot of winters to our portion here below, Or this impinging season is to be our very last one-- Really, I'd hate to know.
Apply yourself to wisdom! Sweep the floor and wash the dishes, Nor dream about the things you'll do in 1928! My counsel is to cease to sit and yearn about your wishes, Cursing the throws of Fate.
My! how I have been chattering on matters sad and pleasant! (Endure with me a moment while I polish off a rhyme). If I were you, I think, I'd bother only with the present-- Now is the only time.
HORACE, PVT. ----TH INFANTRY, A. E. F., WRITES:
While I was fussing you at home You put the notion in my dome That I was the Molasses Kid. I batted strong. I'll say I did.