My villa would be--when it's furnished--the cosiest nest, But I fear it is doomed to be bare; For upholsterers' puffs are now a persistent pest, And so shamelessly each will declare His "Elegant Dining and Drawing-room suites" are the "cheapest and best"-- That I daren't choose so much as a _chair_!
I would fly to the Ocean shore, or the Continent, To escape from a lot accurst; But here, by my own parole, I'm a prisoner pent! I must find a Company first That doesn't resort to obtrusive advertisement-- And the Railway ones are the _worst_!
And now I'm developing symptoms of bodily ills, But, however sanguine I've felt, Of a cure from So-and-So's Syrup, Elixir, or Pills, Or his Neuro-magnetic Belt-- Can I buy, when their fame is based on a stratum of bills Down every area dealt?
And even my path to a tranquil tomb is barred While that oath continues to bind; For a coffin and funeral car will be somewhat hard For a faithful adherent to find-- When already each undertaker has left a card With his terms and "inquiries kind"!
So you see, Mr. WILLIAM BLACK, what a mess I've made! And you'll own my dilemmas are due To the oath which I took when I followed your precious crusade. If its terms were drafted by _you_, You may know some ingenious means their effect to evade-- Kindly drop me a line if you do!
(_The Australian Cricketers have arrived in England._)
WELCOME, JOHN MCCARTHY BLACKHAM, And his boys! 'Tis safe to back 'em, GIFFEN, BANNERMAN, and TURNER, To teach BULL--a cheerful learner! Austral Cricket "up to date." BRUCE and TRUMBLE--rather late-- Owing to Lutetia's charms! Soon will join their chums in arms. LYONS and M'LEOD are ready; Dashing GEORGE and ALEC steady, And the others, prompt to pitch 'em (Stumps) on the old sward at Mitcham. _Punch_ will wish you all fair weather, And fair luck! Now, all together!!! May we meet 'em oft--and whack 'em Fairly--these brave boys of BLACKHAM!
HABEAS CORPUS SUSPENDED.--What is wanted just now is a _"J bez Corpus" Act_.
_Sir Henry Hawkins_ (_to Justice_). "_I_ CAN'T TOUCH THEM. IT'S TIME _YOU_ DID!" (_See next page._)]
AN AIRY NOTHING.--According to a Radical paper "the poor man's tobacco pays 10½_d._ in the shilling to taxation, while the rich man's cigar pays only ½_d._ in the shilling to taxation." This may be very true, but is the question worth discussing? It is sure to end in smoke!
