Through the languid ecstasy of a waltz the words that he murmured into her ear had no relation with their accepted sense. He was not repeating a piece of trivial gossip, a pun, a story he had heard at school; he was wooing her in their own way, in their own time. And afterwards as they sat on the edge of the balcony, looking out over the roofs and the lights of London, she began to tell him about her dress and the trouble that she had had with her mother. “She said I ought to wear a horrid thing with yellow and green stripes that doesn’t suit me in the least. And I wouldn’t. I stole out of the house when she wasn’t looking.”
He leaned forward and their hands touched; his little finger intertwined itself round hers. She felt his warm breath upon her face.
“Do I?” she whispered. “It’s all for you.”
In another moment he would have taken her in his arms and kissed her, and she would have responded naturally. They had reached that moment to which the course of the courtship had tended, that point when a kiss is involuntary, that point that can never come again. But just as his hands stretched out to her the band struck up; he rested his hand on hers and pressed it.
But the magic of that one moment had passed; they had left behind them the possibility of spontaneous action. They were no longer part of the natural rhythm of their courtship. All through the next dance he kept saying to himself: “I shall have to kiss her the next time. I shall. I know I shall. I must pull myself together.” He felt puzzled, frightened and excited, so that when the time came he was both nervous and self-conscious. The magic had gone, yet each felt that something was expected of them. Roland tried to pull himself together; to remind himself that if he didn’t kiss her now she would never forgive him; that there was nothing in it; that he had kissed Dolly a hundred times and thought nothing of it. But it was not the same thing; that was shallow and trivial; this was genuine; real emotion was at stake. He did not know what to do. As they sat out after the dance he tried to make a bet with himself, to say, “I’ll count ten and then I’ll do it.” He stretched out his hand to hers, and it lay in his limp and uninspired.