[Illustration: Augustus Druriolanus opposing the Invasion of Plancus Operator Autocraticus.]
In re-introducing them, Mr. JACKSON PARTLAND, M.P., said that since their last interview they had heard that, with a view to the better control of the correspondence of subordinate officials of the Board, an enterprising firm of publishers had undertaken to provide for their use A COMPLETE LETTER-WRITER, a few of the proof-sheets of which had chanced to come into their possession. As they seemed to have some bearing on the present case, they thought that perhaps the HOME SECRETARY might like to look at them. In presenting them to his notice, they felt it was hardly necessary to point out that a public Department from which such documents might be expected to issue was scarcely calculated to inspire that general confidence so essential to the smooth and efficient working that might reasonably be expected of it. The subjoined proof-sheets, which he appeared to peruse with much attention, were then handed to the HOME SECRETARY:--
_From an Official of the Board to a Popular Manager, asking for Places during the Height of the Pantomime Season._
_Metropolitan Board of Shirks Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, February 17._
MY DEAR GUS,--(Excuse the familiarity, but it is a way we have on the "Board")--I know you are turning money away nightly, but you must really manage to let me have the Queen's Box, and the two others on each side of it (all three knocked into one) for three days--say, Monday, Thursday, and Friday next week. I wish to bring my grandfather, two aged aunts, my sister-in-law, all her children, and my own, and lots of cousins and connections who know my interest with you, and have asked me to get 'em good places. Don't say you can't do it, my dear boy, for you know _I can be nasty when I like_, and should be sorry to put you to the expense of clapping on another staircase or two to the upper circles. Ha! ha! that would be a joke, wouldn't it? However, let's hope it won't come to that. Yours ever, JOHN BEGG.
P.S.--If there's a difficulty about the boxes, I wouldn't mind a whole row of stalls right across the theatre in the best part. But mind, one or the other, _I must have_.