Parker, Bishop of Oxford, being asked by an acquaintance what was the best body of divinity, answered, “That which can help a man to keep a coach and six horses.”
The motto which was inserted under the arms of William Prince of Orange, on his accession to the English crown, was, “Non rapui sed recepi.”
This being shewn to Dean Swift, he said, with a sarcastic smile, “The receiver’s as bad as the thief.”
A French nobleman, who had been satirized by Voltaire, meeting the poet soon after, gave him a hearty drubbing. The poet immediately flew to the Duke of Orleans, told him how he had been used, and begged he would do him justice. “Sir,” replied the duke, with a significant smile, “it has been done you already!”
A late Duke of Norfolk was much addicted to the bottle. On a masquerade night he asked Foote what new character he should go in. “Go _sober_!” said Foote.
A hair-dresser, in a considerable town, made an unsuccessful attempt in tragedy. To silence an abundant hissing he stepped forward and delivered the following speech: “Ladies and gentlemen: yesterday I _dressed_ you; to-night I AD_dress_ you; and to-morrow, if you please, I will RE_dress_ you. While there is virtue in powder, pomatum, and horse-tails, I find it easier to make an actor than to be one. _Vive la bagatelle!_ I hope I shall yet shine in the part of a beau, though I have not the felicity of pleasing you in the character of an emperor.”
This author had the merit of interrupting the servile etiquette of kneeling to the king. “I myself,” says the water poet, “gave a book to King James once, in the great chamber at Whitehall, as his majesty came from the chapel. The Duke of Richmond said merrily to me:--‘Taylor, where did you learn the manners to give the king a book and not kneel?’ ‘My lord,’ said I, ‘if it please your grace, I do give now; but when I beg anything, then I will kneel.’”
Two boys, belonging to the chaplains of two different men-of-war, entertaining each other with an account of their respective manners of living, “How often, Jack,” says one of them, “do you go to prayers?” “We only pray,” replied Jack, “when we are afraid of a storm, or are going to fight.” “Ay,” says the former, “there’s some sense in that; but my master makes us go to prayers when there’s no more occasion for it than for me to jump into the sea.”