But above all, a dignity of character is to be acquired best by a certain firmness in all our actions. A mean, timid, and passive complaisance, lets a man down more than he is aware of: but still his firmness or resolution should not extend to brutality, but be accompanied with a peculiar and engaging softness, or mildness.
7. If you discover any hastiness in your temper, and find it apt to break out into rough and unguarded expressions, watch it narrowly, and endeavour to curb it; but let no complaisance, no weak desire of pleasing, no weedling, urge you to do that which discretion forbids; but persist and persevere in all that is right. In your connections and friendships, you will find this rule of use to you. Invite and preserve attachments by your firmness; but labour to keep clear of enemies by a mildness of behaviour. Disarm those enemies you may unfortunately have (and few are without them) by a gentleness of manner, but make them feel the steadiness of your just resentment; for there is a wide difference between bearing malice and a determined self-defence; the one is imperious, but the other is prudent and justifiable.
8. In directing your servants, or any person you have a right to command, if you deliver your orders mildly and in that engaging manner which every gentleman should study to do, you will be cheerfully, and, consequently, well obeyed: but if tyrannically, you would be very unwillingly served, if served at all. A cool, steady determination should shew that you _will_ be obeyed, but a gentleness in the manner of enforcing that obedience should make service a cheerful one. Thus will you be loved without being despised, and feared without being hated.
9. I hope I need not mention vices. A man who has patiently been kicked out of company, may have as good a pretence to courage, as one rendered infamous by his vices, may to dignity of any kind; however, of such consequence are appearances, that an outward decency, and an affected dignity of manners, will even keep such a man the longer from sinking. If, therefore, you should unfortunately have no intrinsic merit of your own, keep up, if possible, the appearance of it; and the world will possibly give you credit for the rest. A versatility of manner is as necessary in social life, as a versatility of parts in political. This is no way blameable, if not used with an ill design. We must, like the cameleon, then, put on the hue of the persons we wish to be well with; and it surely can never be blameable, to endeavour to gain the good will or affection of any one, if, when obtained, we do not mean to abuse it.