[_The "I. F." is promptly carried below._
AT BATH.--_Wiffling_ (_sympathetically_). Here on account of the waters?
_Piffling._ No, unhappily. Here on account of the whiskies.
"A QUESTION OF THE HOUR."--Asking a railway porter the time of the next train's departure for your holiday resort.
[Illustration: Scene--_The Summit of Vesuvius_
_American Tourist_ (_to the world at large_). "Great snakes, it reminds me of hell!"
_English Tourist._ "My dear, how these Americans _do_ travel!"]
[Illustration: _Friend_ (_below_). "All you've got to do when I throw you the rope is to make it fast to that projection over your head, and lower yourself down!"]
Sunday morning, coast of Norway. (_By our Yachting Artist._)]
[Illustration: _Parson._ "Yes, on one occasion I married four couples in a quarter of an hour. Quick work, wasn't it?"
_Nautical Young Lady._ "Yes, rather! Sixteen knots an hour!"]
[_The poet is being piloted on his aerial flight by a prosaic mechanician. It is to the latter that the interpolations are due._]
Thou elfin Puck, thou child of master mind! (Look out! the ballast's slipping off behind.) Thou swanlike Siren of the blue sublime! (Screw up that nut, and never mind the rhyme.)
Thine 'tis to fathom Æther's highest pole! (This wind will fairly get us in a hole.) Thine to explore the azure-vaulted dome! (I wonder how the deuce we're going home.)
Up, up, thou speedest, flaunting, flaunting high, Thy glist'ring frame emblazon'd 'gainst the sky; And myriad-minded fancies still pursue Thy gliding--(Blow! the anchor's fouled the screw!)
Thou stormy petrel, kissing heaven's height, (Petrol! The rotten stuff declines to light) Onward thou soarest o'er the City's dust Shimmering, triumphant. (Gad! The motor's bust!)
_Q._ Give the French for "a policeman's beat." _A._ _Un tour de Force._
_Q._ What is the difference between a traveller and a popular vegetable?
_A._ One has been abroad and the other's a broad bean.
[Illustration: THE AMERICAN RUSH.--_American Tourist._ "Say, how long will it take to see over the ruins?"
_American Tourist._ "And how long will it take you to tell us about it?"]
[Illustration: "Is this your favourite view, poppa darling?"
"Why, certainly. But--ahem!--I prefer it _unframed_!"]