'_Arry._ "Come, I s'y, Walker, yer know! And where do their customers' little boys go?"
['_Arry, suddenly conscious of his deficiencies, feels bitterly towards his country._
_Old Gentleman._ "Are you certain that these life-belts are cork, and not half sawdust?"
_Storeman._ "They are the best quality. We have sold hundreds, and never had a complaint!"]
HAPPY GEOGRAPHICAL THOUGHT (_when crossing the Channel in exceptionally rough weather_).--"Oh dear! What a pity that the sea everywhere can't be the Pacific Ocean!"
[Illustration: FOREIGN HOTELS.--"WHAT!--NO SOAP!"--"Oh--er--juste regardez ici, mademoiselle! Vous nous avez chargé pour le _savon_--et nous ne l'avons pas _usé_, vous savez, car----"
[_Poor things! they had brought their own._
[Illustration: THE LAST THING OUT.--Sensation created every morning at Crevetteville-sur-Mer by Colonel F---- (of the Guards) and the lovely Lady Magnolia D----.]
[Illustration: THE PERSONAL EQUATION.--_Ducal Butler_ (_showing art treasures of Stilton Castle_). "The three Graces--after Canova!"
_Mrs Ramsbotham._ "How interesting! And pray, which is the _present_ Duchess?"]
[Illustration: _Her Husband_ (_going on the Continent_). "Look here, Arabella, from now you and I will speak nothing but French."
_Stout Traveller_ (_in the Eastern Counties_). "My lad--which is the--quickest way--for me to get to the station?"
_Street Arab._ "Wh' run bo'! 'th' else yeow'll sartain'y lewse th' tr'ine! There goo th' bell!!"]
Brown has locked his portmanteau with one of those letter padlocks and forgotten the word that opens it.
(_Or Compendious Weather-Guide for the British Tourist_)
When the wind is in the North, Gingham take if you go forth. If to Eastward veer the wind, Gingham do not leave behind. If to West the wind should tend, Gingham is your surest friend. If it seek the South, of course, Gingham is your sole resource. Intermediate points demand Gingham constantly in hand. If there be no wind at all, Gingham take, for rain will fall. At all other times, no doubt, Gingham you may do without, Yet e'en then an hour may bring 'em,-- Showers I mean,--so take your Gingham!
_English Tourist_ (_in the far North, miles from anywhere_). "Do you mean to say that you and your family live here all the winter? Why, what do you do when any of you are ill? You can never get a doctor!"