_Scot._ “Man, that’s lucky! Ah deal i’ pents--an’ ah can sall ye white leed faur cheaper than ye can buy’t at ony o’ the shoaps.”
_Artist._ “Oh, but I use very little. A pound or so serves me over a year.”
_Scot._ “E----h, man! Ye maun be in a vera sma’ way o’ beezeness!!”]
Baker, baker, strike awa’; Ye’ll na gar me greet, mon. Ken that I defy ye a’; Though bread grow dear as meat, mon. Aits are baith bread an’ meat to me, Wha dinna keep my carriage. Mysel, forbye the barley-bree, Can live richt weel on parritch.
[Illustration: THE CLYDE.--BEAUTIES OF SCOTTISH SCENERY AS SEEN BY OUR ARTIST.]
_Visitor (to newly-married friend)._ “I was admiring your little carriage, Mrs. McLuckie, so----”
_Mrs. McLuckie._ “Oh, the brougham! Yes; you’ve no idea what a comfort I find it----”
_Mr. McLuckie._ “Oo aye! It’s gey handy! We’ve jist jobbit the cab for the coorse weather!!”]
_Host._ “Just another wee drap ’fore you go----”
_Guest._ “Na, na, I’ll tak’ nae mair! I’m in a new lodgin’, and I’m no vera weel acquainted wi’ the stair!!”]
_Saxon Traveller._ “This is too bad, waiter! I told you we wanted to go by the 9.30 train, and here’s breakfast not ready!”
_Celtic Waiter._ “A weel, sir, fac’ is, the cook tak’s a gless!”]
SCOTLAND FOR EVER!--_Benjamin Barking Creek (thinking he is going to pull the mighty leg of MacTavish)._ But you must allow that the national emblem of your country is the thistle.
_The MacTavish._ And for why? Because we grow it for ye Southrons to eat!
_Swell._ “Ah, Port-ar, is this twain--ah--composed entirely of second-class cawwiages?!”
_Glasgow Porter._ “Na, na, man, there’s a wheen third-cless anes further forrit there!!”]
AT REDRUFUS CASTLE.--_The Duchess of Stony Cross (to Mrs. MacShoddy, who is returning a duty call)._ The Duke has actually consented to be Mayor of Crankborough in succession to poor Mr. Slitt.
_Mrs. MacShoddy._ Well! that’ll be very nice for you! You’re _sure_ to be invited to the Mansion House in London during the season!
A SCOT ON SWEET SOUNDS.--A’ music whatever is o’ Scottish origin an’ derivation. It a’ cam Sooth frae ayont the Tweed. A’ music just resolves itsel’ intil a meexture o’ Tweed-ledum an’ Tweedle-Dee--the Scottish Dee.
The oreeginal St. Cecilia was a Miss MacWhirter. She invented the Bagpipes.