_First Sportsman_ (_rallying him_). Just think of that. And we're all of us taxed to keep a chap like that in comfort. Why you're _paid_ to be shot at--that's what you're _there_ for, you and your thin red line, and all that. By Jupiter! we don't get our money's worth out of you if you're going to cut and run before a poor, weak, harmless woodcock.
[_Military Sportsman is heavily chaffed._
_Military Sportsman_. Oh, it's all very well for you Johnnies to gas like that--but, by Gad, you didn't seem over-anxious to stand fire yourselves. Why your teeth are chattering still, BINKS.
_Binks_. Ah, but I'm only a poor civilian.
_Military Sportsman_. Well, I cut and ran as a civilian. See? Did anyone shoot the bloomin' bird, after all?
_The Host_. _Shoot_ him? I should think not. The last I saw of him he was sailing off quite comfortable, cocking snooks at the whole lot. Have another go of pie, JOHNNY?
So that is the Great Woodcock Saga, the absolute accuracy of which every sportsman is bound to recognise. And the great truth that burst upon me is this, that if you want to restore good temper to a shattered party, you must start talking about woodcocks. If you saw a woodcock in the morning, talk about that one. If not, begin about the woodcock you saw last week, or the woodcock somebody else missed the week before. But whatever you do, always keep a woodcock for a (metaphorically) rainy day. Bring him out at lunch next time you shoot, and watch the effect.
"GRIEVANCES OF CIVIL SERVANTS."--Sir, seeing this heading in the _Times_ to a letter which I didn't stop to read, I can only say, for my part, that us servants as is really civil ought not never to have any "grievancies." Tips is the reward to "_civil_ servants."--Yours, THE BUTLER.
NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL. 103, OCTOBER 29, 1892
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