All his imagination astir, Paul listened, in his secret heart, for the drift of pinions. Nor, then, did he wonder that he failed to hear them; he only marvelled a little at the impenetrability of clay-shuttered doors.
Thus, then, came Paul Kestern to his last night at Thurloe End. Judge ye, who may. This, at least, was the manner of it.
The Father had read aloud _The Holy Grail_, and Paul _The Hound of Heaven_. He had himself chosen it; he had no one to blame for that.
Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest (he read), I am He Whom thou seekest; Thou drivest Love from thee, Who drivest Me.
He shut the book. The little priest was nursing his knees against the tall fender, and the boy looked from him to the candlelight on the white of the uncanonised saint's hat on the mantelshelf. It rather fascinated him, that round skull-cap. It was a child's trick to put it there, the little white satiny thing in its glass-fronted box--a child's trick, lovable. He looked at the priest again. The other stirred.
"My dear," he said, stammering badly, "you g-g-go to-m-m-morrow. And we've kept the tr-truce."
The priest spoke again. "I don't know," he said. "I can't stick my fingers into your soul. I d-d-don't want to. Only God's been good to you, you know. And--and He's a j-j-jealous God."
"Oh, I don't know," burst out the boy. "Father, I don't know. There's so much for and against. And I've prayed and prayed and prayed, and--and God hides Himself."
"He's given you all the l-l-light you need. He's shown you! He's sent His Son and appointed His Church and p-p-put it b-b-bang in your p-path. What else do you want? Do you want a special r-r-revelation?"
"Oh, I don't know," wailed Paul. "I don't KNOW."
His voice broke a little. Father Vassall dropped his knees and jumped up, catching his robe about him. His eyes shone, though his face was grave. "L-look here," he said. "Here's a bit of paper. I'll put here all the things that make for the Church, unless you feel honestly, in your own mind, that the balance of evidence on a point puts it on the other side. Now."
When the paper was written it appeared thus:
Emotions in Catholic Church. Emotions at Claxted, Keswick, etc. Reason? History? Which Works? Scripture? Tradition? Catholic Idea? Consistency? Gospel of the Poor? Beauty? Common sense? Miracles? Peter?