“But mother, if father has to go, whatever we say, something must be decided....”
I took up the cudgels on Tatiana Nicolaïevna’s behalf, remarking that Alexis Nicolaïevitch was better, and that we should take great care of him....
Her Majesty was obviously tortured by indecision; she paced up and down the room, and went on talking, rather to herself than to us. At last she came up to me and said:
“Yes, that will be best; I’ll go with the Czar; I shall trust Alexis to you....”
A moment later the Czar came in. The Czarina walked towards him, saying:
“It’s settled; I’ll go with you, and Marie will come too.”
The Czar replied: “Very well, if you wish it.”
I came down to my room, and the whole day has been spent in getting ready. Prince Dolgorouky and Doctor Botkin will accompany Their Majesties, as also will Tchemadourof (the Czar’s valet), Anna Demidova (the Czarina’s maid), and Sednief (footman to the Grand-Duchesses). It has been decided that eight officers and men of our guard are to go with them.
The family have spent the whole afternoon at the bedside of Alexis Nicolaïevitch.
This evening at half-past ten we went up to take tea. The Czarina was seated on the divan with two of her daughters beside her. Their faces were swollen with crying. We all did our best to hide our grief and to maintain outward calm. We felt that for one to give way would cause all to break down. The Czar and Czarina were calm and collected. It is apparent that they are prepared for any sacrifices, even of their lives, if God in his inscrutable wisdom should require it for the country’s welfare. They have never shown greater kindness or solicitude.
This splendid serenity of theirs, this wonderful faith, proved infectious.
At half-past eleven the servants were assembled in the large hall. Their Majesties and Marie Nicolaïevna took leave of them. The Czar embraced every man, the Czarina every woman. Almost all were in tears. Their Majesties withdrew; we all went down to my room.
At half-past three the conveyances drew up in the courtyard. They were the horrible _tarantass_.[68] Only one was covered. We found a little straw in the backyard and spread it on the floor of the carriages. We put a mattress in the one to be used by the Czarina.