But to my purpose: coming to _Balle-more-Eustace_, a little beyond the Town, (which is in the County of _Wicklow_) there is a small River in the Summer-time not above knee-deep; I perceived a young woman about to cross it; drawing to the water, she stood not on the niceties of modesty, but pulled up her Cloaths to the wast. The sight hereof stopt me, and as near as I could opposite to her. She minded me not, but came straight over to me, and at about three yards distance let down her Coats. I observed so many excellencies that my blood began to boyl, and my flesh was all of a flame. For her hair which naturally curled, and was plaited, was of a bright flaxen, each hair in the Sun glittered like a thread of Gold.
Here take notice by the way, that the Maids for the most part, Winter and Summer, go without any coverings on their head, which they wash all over every night; the meaner sort as soon as married wear Kerchers. She had an Angelical countenance, onely somewhat brownish by the Suns frequent kissing of it; I know not whether I may adjudge that a deformity. The skin of her body might vye with Snow for whiteness. I dismounted, & addrest my self to her in _English_; she answered me in her own language, _she understood me not_: Then did I make use of that little _Irish_ I had learned, which were some fragments of lecherous expressions, to which she replied, but I understood her not. To be brief, I so far prevailed that I got her into a small Wood, in which the thick & spreading tops of the trees seemed to lay their heads together in conspiracy to keep not only the Suns entry, but also the curious search of any mortals eye. She permitted me to kiss, dally, lay my hand on her thighs, _&c._, which were the only Preludiums of what should follow. But herein I mistook, for their dispositions are much different from the _English_. We use to say, that where we gain over any woman the liberty to use the hand, we cannot fail of doing what we most desire: whereas quite contrary they will without the least opposition permit the first, but with the greatest difficulty admit of the last. For as soon as she saw me ready to engage, she cryed out incessantly, _Whillallalloo_; and presently I could hear this ululation ecchoed. I had just recovered my Horse, when two or three fellows came running to me, the one with a Flail, the rest with long Poles. The first salutation I received was from the Flail, which failed but little of doing my business: the next my Horses Crupper received; the poor beast being civilly bred, could do no less then return them a Congee with his leg, which made one of them fall on his knees to his Master, as if he had been Monarch of that Soil. These two Rogues stood stiffly to me, insomuch that I knew not what course to take. The Villains were so nimble, that one of them was continually before me hindring my flight, whilst the other drub’d me forward. I bethought my self of a Pistol I had in my Pocket charged without a bullet; I drew it, presented, and pretended I would fire if they desisted not; for these stupid fellows apprehended not the danger: perceiving how stupidly senseless they were, I fir’d it full in the face of him that fronted me, who verily believ’d he had been shot, & so out of conceit (for they are naturally very timerous) fell down as dead; the other seeing that, ran away as swift as lightning, whereby I had leave to ride on, which I did (you may think) with no ordinary speed. Lovers may talk of their sufferings by their Mistress frowns, or obdurateness, but let any one judge of mine by the blows I received; sighing is nothing to fighting, and a few tears are not to come in competition with dry basting. Pox on them they made me out of conceit with love for six weeks after. I never thought of enjoying a woman since, but the remembrance of those three Bog-trotters converted the hot fit of my amorous Fever into a cold one.